Tonight I got the news that my tumor markers are at 949 up from 658 on 8-26. I have been asked repeatedly why I got cancer. You see, some people believe that disease manifests from unresolved emotional conflict. Perhaps there is someone I am refusing to forgive and that is why I have cancer. Others have mentioned that since it is breast cancer it is an issue with my femininity, or I have experienced a lack of nurturing in my life, and others suggest mother issues.
As a mental health EMDR therapist I have seen physical symptoms clear when you address the trauma, so I so I am willing to concede that some of this might have merit. There has also been a whisper that maybe there is something God needs to teach me through this and develop my spiritual life. Is my job to be Job?
It is funny to hear all the theories and to hear what they say about cancer. One friend said, "you are so nice and you have never hurt people so how did you get cancer." "Only mean people should get cancer." While others see cancer as an enemy, and so they make war with cancer. The proclaim how they "hate" cancer and they march against it.
There are those still that look for the answers in nutrition and point to an unhealthy diet as the cause. Certainly there must be some merit in this as cancer and other illness' have risen. They seek control and safety through the careful management of diet and personal habits.
I ask my clients this question "what do you believe happens when you die?" The answer is, you get to go to heaven and commune with the Creator. The best part of heaven, besides the Father, is that there is no sickness, no sadness and no negativity. It is an occupational hazard to occupy time and live here on earth. Simply being on earth and not in heaven means that we are at risk. We were not promised a life of ease and free of strife here on the beautiful planet we call home.
Did I eat too unhealthy of a diet? Am I holding a grudge, and was there wounding somewhere in my life from someone? Oh maybe. I have not the time nor the desire to probe very far into all that. I don't think that the purpose of my life is to learn how to overcome eating donuts.
The bottom line is this....Salvation is not obtained through works. You cannot be good enough, self-controlling enough, or self introspective enough to be safe on a planet where we all are going to die. You cannot hold back the tide and you cannot avoid all harm. We don't live on a planet where if you are good you get only good, and if you are bad, only evil, and negative comes your way. Did I deserve cancer? If I behave good enough will I be spared? It doesn't work that way.
In earthly life we have very little control. I suggest that we focus on what we can do. We can control our attitude. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to do the best job that we can with whatever life throws at us. We can live our life in love, rather than in hate, at war, or fighting against and with our eyes solidly on the prize. We can hold our heads up and keep going.
Salvation is obtained by confessing our sins to God. We need to pray and ask Jesus to come into our hearts and to teach us how to be in relationship with him. We need to accept the gift he gave us when he died for our sins and we need to remember the miracle of how he defeated death. He is preparing a wonderful place for us to all be together in once we vacate this life and these bodies.
When you stop and think about all that has happened and all that will happen, is there really any reason to waste time and energy on the hows and whys? I certainly don't feel the need to be angry or sad for long when I think about all that I have now, and all that I have to look forward to.
Why did I get cancer? Shucks, I don't know. But I know this, I plan to squeeze as much life, love and opportunity out of this life, and then the one on the other side. Who is with me?
4 comments:
I love what you have written. I am the only person in my family for three generations that has not had cancer, and leapfrogging me, my daughter was diagnosed with it a year ago. All these were/are loving, giving faithful people who made things better for others. I believe that we live in an imperfect world where hard things happen, and they are not necessarily of God, just part of this world. What IS of God is that in all things, we are never alone, and that this good God can redeem even the most difficult situation. Not always in our sight, but I know this happens.
Excellent Johanna,
Mom and I were talking this morning and she admitted that she feels angry at times and sad. I know that these emotions come but you cannot live there. Well you can but I dont recommend it. You cry, you throw a temper tantrum and then you get moving. God does not inhabit hate he dwells in the place of love and peace.
Mom said that people will wonder if this is just talk coming from me and whether or not I walk the walk. I am hoping that my friends and those who spend time with me will post that I do live this authentically. Because I do.
Thank you for your comment. I agree with you we live in a world where hard things happen and suffering is part of our human birthright until we go home. We must keep going and keep living and living a life filled with love. The alternative is to live filled with sadness, with bitterness and with anger. Not much fun if you ask me.
In 2002 I had a partial hysterectomy due to cervical cancer. I was only 29, and will never have the chance for more children. My son is my gift from God. I just had a pap smear last month and it was normal thank God! I wish you all the love in the world, and you are in my prayers.
Funny to read this post this morning Susan, I have been reading and working through, a book by Cheryl Townsley(I may have spelled last name wrong) about this very line. It is "great" reading. It also makes me think of all the times where people would ask "Who sinned?" to make this one or that one sick and Jesus response so often was, it was not a matter of sin but that I (Himself) would be glorified.
Continue to glorify Him. You and your family are in my prayers.
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