I talked to one of my best friends today. I haven't talked to her in awhile and when she found out how I was doing (my tumor markers hitting 949) she began to cry. We have a great relationship her and I and we tell each other the truth. She admitted that she was scared for me. Me telling her that I wasn't scared didn't help. I had to threaten her with... if she didn't stop crying then I would start crying and then we would be in a fine mess.
Jill is my reality check friend and we talk at a gut honest level. She wants to help and like so many of you have expressed she doesn't know what to do. She knows that it is a lot for me to work, be a mother, and take care of my health so she hasn't wanted to take up some of my time by squirming her way in. (see Jill at http://www.passionandpower.net/)
Jill asked about my pain. Having worked in hospice she knows that bone pain is a deep pain that is not touched easily by the strong medications I have been given. She wondered out loud if I take them and how I am managing. The truth is I am in pain but not all the time. I am not even in pain every day. When I get really tired my spine aches. Today, one of my toes hurt bad for about five minutes. Honestly, I am not suffering with very much pain. Jill and I made plans for me to drink more margaritas. She suggested wine but I have never developed a taste for it. She asked me what happens when I drink wine and my response was, "I make funny faces." Frozen margaritas are a nice treat and I made a shopping list for myself in my head of the ingredients I am missing.
She said that she wonders how she would feel if she were me and the thought is so scary and depressing that she can't go there. She doesn't think that she could go to work in pain. I told her she sure would. I work as a counselor and yes, sometimes as I sit in my chair I am in some pain. I love what I do. It is an honor to make a difference in people's lives and it is how I serve. If I am in pain, I would be in pain at home or I could go and try to make a difference. Honestly folks, you would all make the same choice. I am sure of it.
We talked about the blog and how much I am enjoying it. I winced a little at this as her and I started a blog and I found myself too busy to help out. Jill is so sweet to me and suggested that I have a lot to say on this one. She promised to read it. I promised in my head to be a better person.
Jill asked about how I was staying happy these days and I told her that I am planning a big remodel project, I am planning trips to take with my family, and (I didn't tell her this) I am dreaming of the baby girl that I will one day hold in my arms named Mai.
I am blessed to have so many friends, a dynamic family and now so many readers of this blog. I know that you are scared for me and want to do something so I will make you a list. If you want to help here are some ideas for you.
1. Pray for me and ask others to pray for me.
2. Read my blog, post comments on it and share my blog with as many people as you can.
3. Buy me Coach purses...actually just kidding on that one. I am just making sure that you are paying attention. (Please don't, I have a very small house and I really was kidding.)
4. Reconnect with people that you love and love on them.
5. Pay it forward with random acts of kindness and then email me at suzi890801@msn.com to tell me what you did. The more creative the better. If you really wow me than I will send you a present. No, it will not be a Coach from my collection. Geez what a bunch of blood-sucking weasels!
6. Send me remodel ideas for making the most of out small spaces.
7. Tell me about fabulous trips that you have taken and make a case for why I should include that on my list.
I want you all to know that yes I do get scared but I choose not to stay scared. No, I do not get angry. I know that some of you feel angry for me but I wish that you wouldn't. Ok, point of clarification. I get angry a lot. If you know me then you have seen me angry. I do not feel any anger concerning the fact that I have cancer.
If any of you have questions please email me and ask them. You can ask me gross medical questions, psychological ..are you in denial questions, any type of questions are welcome. If you have suggestions on more items to add to my list feel free to let me know. I will post an addendum.
Also if you notice I have forgotten punctuation and you can get to me before my mother does there will be an additional prize. Be hasty! I tend to drive her crazy.
I love you all. I love you for caring. You don't have to do anything big. You don't even have to do it for me. Do it for someone you find in need and then you can share that with me if you like. It will feel like an extension of my own arms and it will put a smile on my face.
Susan
4 comments:
Susan, I wanted to take a minute and tell you what your blog means to me. Not only are you a testimony of God's ability, you are a daily reminder of the kind of people we all should be. Perfect, no, you're not. But I must say, pretty darned close! I know your mother from work, and as I get to know her better I know she must have been a great Mom (still is of course.) Don't feel bad about your fetish for coach purses. They are beautiful works of art! Well, I know I'm rambling, but I just want you to know I'm adding you to our prayer list at church, and you will be ( and have been) in my prayers daily. I am amazed at your strength, determination, and your ability to be completely open. I will do a random act of kindness everyday in your honor. God IS in control....we just have to let him be. While most of us struggle with this concept, it seems to me that you've got it down. Please feel free to contact me if your mother needs anything and won't tell anyone. I dont run into her everyday, and I usually don't bring up the situation unless she does.
My work number is . My cell phone is . Just in case....you never know how I might be able to help. God does indeed work in strange ways. Please don't stop writing your blog, it is incredible.
Because HE lives,
Terry
I want to lodge a complaint. I, in fact, performed what I considered to be a (very nice) random act of kindness and was informed it didn't meet the standards. I want to know why!!?? You can even ask Gloria if she thought it was kind and random. I think my name should be entered into the drawing for the gift card or whatever the prize is. I won't give up without a fight!!!
Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty: This site(http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/kindness/index.html) is dedicated to recognizing those beautiful, faceless, nameless people out there that do things that help out someone they don't know, and never will.
This site has great stories of people practicing random acts of kindness.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/29-ways-to-carry-out-random-acts-of-kindness-every-day.html
The above link is a suggestion list of 29 ideas for random acts of kindness.
By those definition you, mother, do not meet the criteria. However, you do meet the criteria for the mother of the year award.
Check your mailbox for your present. You have earned it.
Susan
Susan, you are awesome and you make me smile. I think it would be appropriate to post some photos of your fabulous Coach collection. After making all of us green with envy (blood sucking weasels are green, right?), at least we should be able to LOOK at this now famous assortment of yours :-) :-) :-) Oh, I vote for the prize for your mom and a recent random act of kindness known as the Jaw Dropping German Chocolate Cake!
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