If I could figure out the answer to this question I would be able to sell a million books, save countless marriages and earn untold riches. I am not sure why but when people are emotionally hurt they strike out at the ones they love. Oh, I am sure that not everyone does this but a lot of people seem to.
Is it a fear brought out by vulnerability? Is it a sheer hatred of all things weak, including oneself, and then reacting violently. Shucks. I do not know. I do know that having counseled, many a couple at this point, it happens. Week after week, my couch is filled for an hour with people telling me tales of how mean their loved one was. They were having an argument over routine stuff when out of nowhere comes a real zinger. The kind that makes you wince for years afterward.
Worse yet, as the comfort level in the relationship goes up so do the frequency often times of letting those zingers fly. Why? Why do we hurt the ones that we love? I wish that I could understand it and I certainly wish that I could change it.
When this sort of thing happens to me, my breath catches in my throat, and my very skin feels as though someone has thrown scalding water on it. The agony in that moment is real and the heart literally feels as though it is breaking.
As I mentioned before, I am beginning to feel a sense of writer's block and it is taking longer to figure out what to blog about. This post and some of the more recent posts, reflect what I have been thinking about lately. I am thinking about the fact that my pain level may increase. My ability to get up and enjoy my life may be compromised. I worry that I may succumb to being mean and I want to prevent it from happening.
If any of you have successfully conquered this problem in their own lives I would really like to hear about it. Simply click on comment and type in the box. Oh and while I am on the subject I haven't gotten a lot of contact from readers with pay it forward stories. I am still looking for those.
4 comments:
On your pay it forward. I have a friend that everytime he is out at a restaurant and sees a young G.I. or military family, he calls the waitress over, and picks up their ticket. He tells the waitress not to say who payed their ticket, but to tell them a grateful citizen wants to thank them for their service.
Looks as if your Mother has writers block also. I would be interested in knowing more about your background and family roots. Is there a history of cancer in your family? How do your siblings deal with your cancer? If you had three wishes at this stage in your life, other than the cure for cancer, what would they be? Who else cares when you are mean? As a Mother, you certainly feel the lashing out of your children, especially in their teens. You have to not take it personally and try to figure out what's bothering your loved one. It's their way of communicating to you that they are dealing with some issues of their own. People that don't love you simply cut you out of their life if you are mean. It's true that you only hurt the ones you love, because no one else cares.
1. You don't owe your readers a post. Write if it adds something to your day, your readers want to be part of solutions, not part of a problem.
2. Meanness is an expression of anger, don't you think? I remember that you said a while back that you weren't angry that you got cancer, which I took to mean that you didn't believe you were more immune to having bad things happen than the next gal. True. But it's really okay to be mad as hell at the changes it has wrought on your life. Perhaps finding ways to express that anger might spare the expressions of meanness to those close to you? The psalms are full of cries of anger...
3. There is NO way I can compare my current disability from leg fractures with your story -- but it has certainly gotten me in touch with my discomfort with being out of control and depending on others! I'm working on continuing to thank God for the others, even if they don't always do exactly what I would if I could. What seemed like lowering my standards is beginning to feel more like gratitude. But I am a work in progress -- aren't we all? You, dear child, have journeyed beautifully and will continue to do so. Self-judgment is energy you don't need to expend, just love yourself as much as others obviously do!
Dear Readers,
I think that Susan was referring to me. I can get overwhelmed and stressed out and I say things that hurt her feelings. I love my wife. I would never want to hurt her feelings but I have been known to be a bit insensitive at times. Susan, I apologize for being mean and hurting your feelings. I love you and want you to get better.
Huy ( Susan's husband )
Post a Comment