Giving Up

I am holding a dream. It is tightly clutched in my hands and cradled against my chest. This dream has been dealt a near fatal blow. Ok, I am being overly dramatic with those opening sentences but then again I feel that way about my dreams.  Whether it be something "important" or something less serious like the dream of how I will like my next Coach purse.  I feel that intimate about my dreams.

A dream of mine has received a blow. I am contemplating giving up.  I feel the edges unraveling around me, my arms feel heavy and I almost hear a whisper to let go.  A few tears slide down my cheeks. I feel as though I am standing on a cliff and the wind is whipping around me and I can see nothing as it is pitch black.  I question myself and analyze if I am being ridiculous and over the top. My mind tells me to be reasonable.

In the midst of all of this I am contacted by a client.  He is in emotional pain.  He has been falsely accused of something terrible.  He has spent ten months in a military jail without pay and continues to receive none while he waits for his reinstatement or retirement from military service.  He is the custodial parent of three children.  He has recently found a job and learned today that he lost it.  He has lost his car and is in peril of losing his home.  He is awaiting the news of his appeal in a higher court on the false charges but they take their time in D.C. and he will have to wait months more.  He didn't take their deal.  He stood on principal and didn't care what it might cost him.  He is barely hanging on now. He needs me.

I am having one of those moments where though I just want to lay helpless on the floor in a depressed heap  my spirit rises in me like a lioness.  I see myself in the scene where Frodo has fallen over the edge of the ravine and Sam grabs him from the movie Return of the King (Lord of the Rings).  I am Sam, of course, and he is Frodo.  A strength rises up in me and I believe that there is something greater, something worth fighting for, and I believe I must save him because this situation is only temporary.

There is a belief inside me that says you never give up.  You never give up.  The very core of my being believes that it is darkest right before the dawn and that things look really, really bad right as you are about to receive breakthrough.  A moment ago, I was ready to give up.  Ready to give in.  Now I see that I cannot.  If I must assist him and his dreams that I cannot let go of my own.  Even if they would seem trivial. 

I have no idea what will happen.  I don't know if I will have to modify or scale back on my dream.  I don't see how the realization of it in it's current form is possible.  I will see him on Wednesday.  He will need me to be strong and he will need me to inspire him to keep going.  I will have to find all of this within myself first before I can help him.  It is a daunting task.  My reality is squaring off with my belief system.  It will be interesting to see who will reign victorious.

Obviously I have been watching too many movies.  I will have to keep you posted on this one.  I would love to hear your comments on giving up.  It will help me as I prepare to face him and as I face my own struggle.