What I know now that I just sort of knew then...part 2

One thing I know now that I just sorta knew then was that parenthood is precious.  I had been a mother for six months when I was diagnosed with cancer and I knew that my son was a gift from God.  It seems, though, that every day since my diagnosis has been more sweeter than the day before when I am able to play with my son.

Even when Tan is just sitting next to me watching a movie I admire his face with love and amazement.  I have never seen a sight so beautiful.  I could never answer the question, which expression is my favorite, because I simply never get tired of looking at him.  Tan (pronounced thun...like thunderbolt) is beautiful when asleep, when laughing and even when scowling at me in defiance.

I waited a very long time to be a mother and it was bittersweet that some of my energy, focus, and fitness was compromised in the early days of his life.  Nevertheless, I knew that motherhood was an important thing, I just didn't know how much it meant to me until it was threatened.  It really hurt me that I couldn't be a rough and tumble Mom.  I wanted to nurse him until he was one, crawl around with him on the floor and perform all the developmental enrichments right on cue.  I had several dreams about my child but one of them was that he have a close and happy relationship with his grandparents. 

I knew that this was important then, but what I know now is that this has been a life changing gift for all of us.  My son loves all of us but his Grampy is his happy thought.  He is adored, well taken care of, and safe, because of his parents and his grandparents all cooperating together to make it so.  He has two cozy nests from which to explore the world and this has made all of the difference.  God has demonstrated the ultimate expression of love for us by sacrificing His wants for our needs and sending His son to die for our sins.  It is such a humbling thought that we could be so loved.

I certainly do not pretend to be capable of that kind of Divine Love.  I do not even have the capacity to understand it.  I do love my own son.  I would not wish cancer on myself but with all that I know now I would not take the gift of Grampy and Grammie from my son.  He is blessed with an incredible father who takes excellent care of him by day and who whisks him away and into the loving arms of his grandparents by night.  Cancer certainly put a big detour sign into the path of all of us but this part of the journey has been a blessed one.

Susan