In Search of that Illusive Peace

Well, Susan has mentioned that Paul and I have been almost frightened out of our minds by this disease and the threat it brings to Susan and our whole family.   Fear does terrible things as you know and as I have learned first hand.  The worst thing is that is drives out peace.  No more blissful nights sleeping, you now wake up in the middle of the night and then lay there with your mind if full gear, imagining the worst.   Fear is like a giant invisible black cloud that follows you everywhere and negatively colors every moment of every day.  Yesterday, Susan journaled some of her methods for taking back control when fear starts to well up.  I have some methods of my own that I will add tonight.  Unfortunately, time is up and I am heading to work.  Have a great day everyone and thank you for your prayers for our family.  God is working in a powerful way and I am excited to be able to share that.
OK, back at it.   One weekend a few months ago, after another particularly bad piece of Susan news, I sort of curled up in the fetal position on the couch and just hibernated.  I was a low as a snake's belly and just couldn't force myself to do anything except feel exceedingly sorry for myself.  I didn't walk, I didn't swim, I didn't do anything that could even vaguely construed as fun.   Sunday evening I asked Susan what she had done.  She had gone swimming with a friend, had gone out to eat, had watched a few favorite movies.  I thought to myself, "self, learn from this."  So I have tried (operative word- tried) to live in a more positive way, believing that if I put the right efforts in, the right feelings will follow.  This has been mostly successful, and doing active things, (swimming, walking, zumba, spending time with friends, convincing Andrea to go out to lunch occasionally) has helped.  So have my prescription 'happy pills' that I finally decided to go onto when I found I couldn't concentrate and was altogether too weepy for my own comfort.  I have found some other methods of keeping busy and positive.  I try to keep the television off most of the time.  The news and talk shows are just too darn depressing.  If I need noise, I put on my favorite music or watch a really good movie. I have reconnected with a lot of my old standby Christian favorite songs and they feel like a comfortable old friend.  This past weekend, I really got into a PBS special of "South Pacific."  It was just beautiful and I watched it a couple of times.  I start each day with a short devotional and end it that way too.  I sometimes cook for other people, I enjoy that and so do they it seems.  And I TRY to keep my mind focused on God's truth. Philippians 4:8-10 is a great verse  "Finally, brothers (sisters too), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ... And the God of peace will be with you".   If I keep my mind pointed in the right direction and try to live in "today" and not allow myself to get caught up in the worries of tomorrow (do not be concerned with tomorrow, each day has enough troubles of its own) I do better.  I have also gotten involved with a neat group of Christian ladies in a Bible study who have supported me, cried for and with me, prayed for me, and been free with hugs.  And of course, every day, Susan and I, Tan and I, and Paul and I, all catch up on the phone and share laughter and the events of the day.  Even though I am hundreds of miles away, I feel connected and involved with the ones I love.  All for now.  Becky