I am reminded.

My husband and I spent an evening away, this week, in a small casino town full of historic sights and things to do.  My husband enjoyed spending time there before we were married and though I do not enjoy this type of past-time, it was nice to be with him.

Fatigue has been the biggest problem I have encountered while struggling with cancer and I often miss being able to get out and enjoy my life.  I am working still, and we have a two year old, so a lot of energy is expended on my day time activities.  When the afternoon arrives I am often wiped out.  My husband is very active and misses having my company going out and doing things.  He likes to shop at Costco and get out of the house and I find that I am forced to conserve my energy.

Cancer and other major illness' can be tough on a marriage.  Sometimes, it feels like his is zigging while I am zagging.  On this evening, though, it felt to me like we were in the same place at the same time and it felt nice to be with him.  It is a weird realization to live in the same house with someone and then to feel that you have missed them.  I have missing him and I have been missing the me that could run out and do stuff.  In some ways, the fun me, got a little sidelined while I was in survival, deal with cancer, mode.

I am reminded to make time for dates and catching my husband in the middle of a zig so that we can spend time being a couple.  I do not think I actually forgot any of that but fatigue can really slim down your social calendar.  I am feeling better and trying to exercise and be active.  I want very much to regain some of my former activity level.  I think it is another sign that I am doing better.  It feels like a tough walk uphill but it is a rewarding use of my energy.

Susan