What kind of battle do you want to fight?

For those of you who have wondered what it feels like to have cancer I can only answer what it feels like for me.  Having been recently pregnant I can tell you that the energy depletion is like the first trimester exhaustion.  I feel as though I am making my way through really deep snow and each step is difficult.  I am more motivated to take the steps because I don't know how many steps I have left.

At the end of a long year of fighting, if you want to call it that, I can tell you that I thought I would have made more progress.  I was very confident that I would have had this thing licked by now and would have been on to bigger and better things.  I do not know what the future holds or how big a piece I have to work with. I can tell you this, I am interested in tasting the sweetness of life.  I want now, more than ever, to do the things that matter.

I enjoy watching my son play.  I enjoy working as a counselor.  I feel a little sad because I have a desire to do a lot of things that I am no longer able to do.  Running to Target with my husband to pick up a few things on a Sunday afternoon is no longer an option.  I have to reserve my strength because I have spent too much at times and suffered the consequences. I could focus on what I am not able to do or I could enjoy the things that I am.  I can make my son laugh.  I can love my husband and my family. I can share my heart.  I can offer guidance to those that come to me for help.

I am inspired by Elizabeth Edwards and how she chose to live her remaining days.  She died of breast cancer this week.  I am not interested in the politics but I would like to share a couple of quotes about her.

"I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

   ----- Elizabeth Edwards' final Facebook post

 

According to an article in Today People, "Elizabeth did not want people to say she lost her battle with cancer. The battle was about living a good life and that she won."

I agree with Elizabeth Edwards on the battle.  I do not want to live my life in war against cancer or anything else.  I have no desire to fight.  I am interested in being healthy.  I am praying for a body that is free of cancer and full of energy and vitality. I am pursuing a life that is long and meaningful.  I want to spend my days surrounded by those that I love and to fill my day with activities which demonstrate the love that I feel.