Companionship

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
- John Donne, Meditation XVII

I am struck this evening by how vital companionship is.  I have had three glimpses into the lives of others and what role this plays in each.  I shared a meal this evening with my husband, my companion and with a friend who has no companion.  He wants one.  He became ill nearly 15 years ago and this resulted in his being abandoned by his friends and family.  It is difficult to be around someone with chronic pain and one by one they disappeared from his life.  Their absence is felt strongly by this man.  He is saddened and angry.  To share a meal with another person and to hold conversation is a luxury he doesn't often get to experience.  An invitation to do so puts a smile on his face and he is ready with gratitude.  It means so much to him.  I am brought to tears that something I take for granted is such a huge gift to him.

Another man I know had companionship and as a result of his poor decisions lost it.  He misses it.  It was a relationship that was easy and comfortable for both parties and spanned nearly a decade.  He is grief stricken with the loss.  He knows that he can only hold himself to blame.  He wonders how and when he might find companionship again.  He wants to share his life with someone.  He doesn't want to face the holidays alone.  He is depressed.  He doesn't want to be without companionship.  He gets invitations from friends and colleagues but they never materialize.  They make plans and then do not answer the phone when the appointed hour and day arrives.  He is living with the sting of love squandered.

The third man has a companion who demands that she alone hold the spotlight.  Neither of them have had good examples of a healthy man and woman sharing love and their lives together.  This man dreads going home for fear that she will be in a bad place emotionally, which is often the case, and he will need to spend his evening trying to uplift her.  He does not have a soft place to fall with his companion.  He is offered no acceptance.  He has no peace, no ability to let off some steam, and is never given a chance to pursue his own interests unless they share the road with hers.

It is sad to see how far away from God's plan we have strayed.  Families are under so much attack and so are couples.  Where is the loyalty, the commitment and the love that form the glue that can hold the companionship together?  I know that there are many couples that get it right.  Many of you faithful readers are in good standing with your mates.  Perhaps I am preaching to the choir.

I just have one request this holiday season.  In the next week think of the people around you that might fall into the three examples above and reach out to them.  Let us make time for the lonely, the shut in and the down trodden this week of Christmas.  Nothing major necessary here, just a cup of coffee, a phone call or a visit.  It will not take up much of your time and may mean all the difference in the world to the recipient.  Afterwards, when you go home, take a look at your companion and take your inventory.  Is there a little room for improvement?  Make that the greatest gift you give because I promise you it will make you a very wise person this week and every week you pledge to do it.

Merry Christmas with much love from me,

Susan