Thoughts on Marriage

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." Charles Dickens

I know that this is the opening line to his famous work the Tale of Two Cities but he might have been writing about marriage in my humble opinion.  If things are ever going too well and you find yourself uttering a sigh of boredom you might ask your spouse how to liven things up.  If your spouse mentions that they have been considering a remodel project I can testify to you that it will do just the trick.

Huy and I have been through every emotion and played out some dramatic scenes here in this spacious 742 square feet.  It has been the tale of two cities...Paris and Saigon and like the original some parts are not pretty. There has been war, fierce battles, stand offs, impassioned pleas of forgiveness, high roads taken, horrendous mistakes made, ugly words uttered and commitment and love restored.  Heck, I should stop writing this blog and begin writing a screen play.

I do a lot of work helping couples work out issues in marriage counseling.  I am frequently asked if fighting is normal and if horrible fighting in the first year or two of marriage is a sign that a couple should not be married.  The answers are yes and no and in that order.  It takes some a little while to learn how to work as a team, make decisions together and to fight in a healthy way.  It is not a smooth process.  It is not a comfortable process.  It is a process.

I wanted to write this blog on marriage because cancer, crisis and stress can weigh heavily on a marriage and if there are weak spots they will undergo tremendous strain.  It is sad, but a lot of marriages do not survive cancer or other types of tragedy.  This is not even taking into consideration the stress and strain that an entire family suffers when one member has been afflicted with an illness or decline from age.  If you are newly diagnosed with a life threatening disease you should have a conversation with your spouse and with your family.  You can then join together as a team and try to mitigate any damages.

It is important that each member's needs are taken into consideration.  Everyone will need time to get away and recharge their batteries.  Sleep is essential.  Try to get more than what you normally get.  Also be sure and be thick skinned.  Sick people are grouchy and so are sleep deprived people.  Give each other an extra measure of patience and compassion.  We all know that we tend to growl and snap at our family members so try to exercise some self discipline.  In the face of crisis our loved ones can become hurt and these wounds can run deep.  Should the family crisis result in the loss of a family member it could result in a long term family fracture and loss of relationships.  This is just a sad case of tragedy upon tragedy but it happens.

If you are in the middle of a crisis or find yourself confronted with one in the near future I hope that your family is able to circle the wagons.  Perhaps you will remember the words I have written here and they will help you fix any potential problems before they take hold.  Peace has been restored in my home.  This remodel project tested and challenged both my husband and I but we made it through unharmed.  We have a strong extended family and we are able to work through issues as they arise.  We love each other and support each other even as we face this crisis.  Your continued support and prayer is vital to us and I want to extend a warm thank you.  It has helped us so much more than words can express.