This is a day that I will never forget. I was laying on my couch in my therapy office praying that I would recover from this immense pain when my phone rang and Rachel my PA from my family doctor called. She stated to me that she wanted me to check myself into the hospital and I found myself asking her dumbly, "on purpose"? She then explained that they wanted to run some tests and this was the best way to get it all done. I had already seen the results of the MRI which suggested possible explanations for my back issues and listed among them were leukemia and different types of cancer.
In light of this I thought I should be more cooperative and I said "ok, when"? I was shocked when she told me today. She stated that I had a 5pm appointment with a Hematologist. At this point my head was spinning and I began to stumble over my words. I told her that I had clients scheduled and she said that I should cancel them. I then stammered that I needed to talk to my husband first and couldn't get a hold of him but I knew then that I was making excuses and then asked her which hospital. She asked me which I preferred and I told her I had never been hospitalized before (that I remembered) and she asked me where I had my baby. I reminded her that I had a home birth. She then said she would ask the Hematologist and call me back. I called my mother who immediately stated she was on a plane. I asked her to slow down and suggested she wait until I met with the Hematologist and then we would go from there. Mom informed me that a Hematologist meant cancer. I called my clients and cancelled them.
I then drove home and mulled over what to pack to bring with me. Huy got the baby ready while I threw some things in an overnight bag. I don't know how you pack for a hospital stay. I think I brought a couple pairs of underwear, a pair of socks, my charge cords to my electronics and my medication. It was a pretty empty overnight bag but then Rachel had said I would only be in the hospital a couple of days.
The check in process was a blur and soon I was in a wheelchair with my baby in my lap. Huy pushed me and the volunteer showed me to my room. Tears slid down my cheeks as we rolled under the sign announcing oncology. I was happy to see it was a private room and I exited the wheelchair and slid into the lazy boy in the room. Huy looked nervous and paced with the baby. The nurse Beth came into the room and sat down next to me. She asked me why I was there and when I responded, "I guess I have cancer since I just got admitted into oncology" she looked horrified and told me that this was a terrible way to find out. I tried not to panic and tried not to scream as she asked me lots of questions.
The rest of that night is a blur. I can tell you that I met the Hematologist who was a sweet man and that the didn't make me have an IV. After Huy took the baby home I read the hospital room service menu and quietly thanked God that my mother and father were on there way to Colorado. I couldn't imagine that it could be true that I had cancer. I thought my back pain was due to flabby post pregnancy stomach muscles and I just needed to firm up.
Susan
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October 16 is a day I will also never forget. I knew that something serious was going on because a seemingly healthy 38 year old does not sustain a compression fracture of her lumbar spine spontaneously without significant trauma. When we learned of the fracture (and we were skyping at the time so I watched as Susan got the news from Rachael via telephone) We were dismayed. I spoke to a radiologist the next morning and he offered several possibilities that included breast or other cancer. I felt she was in trouble. She called me days later after the MRI report was in and the decision was made to hospitalize her. It was one of those defining moments, I know the time and place as I was driving to a hair appointment which I promptly cancelled. Driving home, I knew what had to be done. I burst through the door, grabbed my laptop and starting searching for a flight out the next day (thankfully, Saturday). I told Paul we were going to Colorado. His reaction was the same as Susan and Huy's. "Let's just slow down and see what happens in the next day or two." I told him I was going come hell or high water and he could come along or stay home. Within the hour we were packed, the fridge cleaned out, and plans made for an early airport run. At 2pm the next day, we were walking down the ramp gazing at Tan Nguyen who was secure in his Baby Bjorn carrier, flopping his arms and legs and smiling at us with a big wide grin. With him in my arms, I could take a small breath again and then when we were with Susan a few minutes later, a bigger breath. We were going to need all the oxygen we could store in the coming days. Deb reminded me of Isaiah 41:10 last night. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
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