After a few days in the hospital I realized that I was going to have to stop nursing. It was taking some time to figure out what was wrong with me but all signs were pointing toward cancer. I had been through one bone marrow biopsy, which was unsuccessful in obtaining a good sample for diagnostic purposes. It was very clear though, that whatever was wrong was affecting my bone marrow as the sample did indicate a problem.
Being in so much pain from the compression fracture in my back I was on pain medications which caused me to be unable to nurse. I had to make a difficult, but inevitable decision. The doctor was talking about a mammogram and PET Scans and all sorts of other tests that require injections of various materials. In the back of my mind I knew that I would be unable to nurse while being treated for cancer and I tried not to think of the second scariest word in the English language...Chemotherapy. The first, of course, being the word Cancer, in my humble opinion.
Giving up nursing was by far the most painful part of this whole affair. It was just shy of the six month marker in Tan (pronounced Thun like thunderbolt) Nguyen's life, which was a good start, but much to soon for me. He already had formula occasionally since I worked and couldn't always keep up with the demand. This made the transition for him fairly easy.
So there I was in the hospital, on pain medications, not nursing and leaking like crazy. The nurses in Memorial Hospital's Oncology unit are fantastic and they really felt for me. One of them went up to the Pediatric Unit to inquire about how to help me. I, of course, wanted a pill or something to dry me up immediately. I had remembered from my pregnancy being told not to take Benedryl or other form on nasal decongestant as they would have a drying affect on my milk supply. I talked to my Doctor and got him to prescribe me Benedryl as a sleep aid in the evenings which helped put me out of my misery by putting me promptly to sleep.
The word from the Pediatric Unit was that there was nothing I could take but there had been some decent anecdotal stories of how helpful cabbage leaves were. The nurse then sent my husband Huy out for head of cabbage and upon return she rolled them using my water bottle as a rolling pin and handed them to me. I can admit to feeling more than just a little silly as I inserted them into my nursing bra but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now if you are picturing me wearing a hospital gown or "Johnnie" with a bra stuffed with cabbage leaves your picture is inaccurate. I refused to wear a "Johnnie" during my hospital stay. My Mom bought me some cute pink pajamas with black polka dots and my husband brought my other pajamas from home. I couldn't bear to be in the hospital much less wear hospital issue clothing. Also, I confess, they now have snap together "Johnnies" and with my back pain I couldn't sit upright long enough to figure it out.
I must have made quite an impression because when I was hospitalized on April 15, 2010 I ran into some of the same people from my October visit. One nurse's assistant told me I looked familiar and when I mentioned I had been there in October she asked, "are you the one who always wore your own pajamas and had the cutest baby in the world?" I replied, yes that was me.
Anyway, if you are looking to stop nursing for strictly positive reasons and are not looking forward to all that entails remember to buy a head of cabbage and a package of Benedryl. You can thank me when I see you.
Susan
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