Hampton Beach, NH

I can't begin to guess at how many hundreds of times I have driven by the "Hampton Beach, NH" road signs on the way to or from somewhere else - without ever stopping.   I find it hard to shift gears and plans at 70 miles an hour, and I tend to try and squeeze in too much into a day, in general.  That leaves me no opportunity to just stop and smell the roses, or sea spray, as it was. 

But, we did plan to stop for the night at Hampton Beach on our way back to Colorado.  We thought it was a nice opportunity to get almost to Boston and break up our travel into some realistic bites, which is especially important when traveling with a 26 month old.   So after a harried morning in Surry and washing the floors on our way out the door, we did get on the road shortly after noon.  We were tired, dirty, and hungry to say the least.  To say the most, we were exhausted, filthy, and starving - but we were on our way. 

We arrived in New Hampshire without incident (which is amazing in itself the way our travel had gone on the front end of this trip) about 5pm.  We checked in, ordered some dinner, and settled in.  After that, Tan and I hit the beach. 

It was a beautiful evening and after dipping his toes, Tan began to get the idea.  He found a paper cup and started digging holes.  He waded in and then sat down to enjoy the surf, chest high.  He ran into the waves and let them push him back.  He was fearless and I was fearful so we made a good team with me holding him firmly but letting him revel in the sand and surf.  I finally dragged the shivering baby back to the room.  We both had huge grins, sand in our suits and hair, and stories to tell.   We couldn't wait to get back the following morning with "GramPY" and Mommie.  

Our trip to Maine was not perfect, but we took the time to make some memories and just play.   Somehow, that is what is standing out now.

Becky

I am reminded.

My husband and I spent an evening away, this week, in a small casino town full of historic sights and things to do.  My husband enjoyed spending time there before we were married and though I do not enjoy this type of past-time, it was nice to be with him.

Fatigue has been the biggest problem I have encountered while struggling with cancer and I often miss being able to get out and enjoy my life.  I am working still, and we have a two year old, so a lot of energy is expended on my day time activities.  When the afternoon arrives I am often wiped out.  My husband is very active and misses having my company going out and doing things.  He likes to shop at Costco and get out of the house and I find that I am forced to conserve my energy.

Cancer and other major illness' can be tough on a marriage.  Sometimes, it feels like his is zigging while I am zagging.  On this evening, though, it felt to me like we were in the same place at the same time and it felt nice to be with him.  It is a weird realization to live in the same house with someone and then to feel that you have missed them.  I have missing him and I have been missing the me that could run out and do stuff.  In some ways, the fun me, got a little sidelined while I was in survival, deal with cancer, mode.

I am reminded to make time for dates and catching my husband in the middle of a zig so that we can spend time being a couple.  I do not think I actually forgot any of that but fatigue can really slim down your social calendar.  I am feeling better and trying to exercise and be active.  I want very much to regain some of my former activity level.  I think it is another sign that I am doing better.  It feels like a tough walk uphill but it is a rewarding use of my energy.

Susan

Bucket List Line Item

My friend Roxanne called me when I was in Maine to tell me, very excitedly, that her father had consented to let us take his 1966 Corvette for a ride.  He has owned that car, nearly all of her life, and this was the first time that she was going to be able to drive it for any distance.  Her father has always been a hard working man who delighted in his toys and took excellent care of them.
 

Driving this car was a life long dream for her and we meet up in Bucksport, Maine at a favorite Chinese Restaurant of mine.  When she came over the bridge she called us so that we could see her pull in. 

This car is a beautiful sight to behold and makes a yearly appearance in the Brooks, Maine, Fourth of July parade.  She stated to me on the phone that she was all stressed out driving this car and was going to enjoy relaxing over lunch.  I chided her that this was supposed to be fun and that she was accomplishing a bucket list item that had been on her wish list a lifetime.

Over lunch I enjoyed teasing her but knowing how much her father loves that car I could appreciate her angst about getting that car back to him safe and sound.  After lunch my sister returned home and Roxanne and I took pictures and then went for a ride.  In my adult life I have not had the pleasure of riding in a collector's automobile and I loved it.  It was so cool to see the inside of the car and all the components from 1966 (the knobs, the radio, etc)..so cool to experience a piece of history.  Cars are a lot different today and this car had no power steering and a big powerful engine which made it sound and feel like we were driving a lot faster than we were.

It was a lot of fun to share this experience with Roxanne and I owe a debt of gratitude to her father for this treat.  That being said, I turned into a nervous Nelly and kept imploring Roxanne to slow down.  We giggled and talked and I snapped pictures of all aspects of this car but was relieved when we pulled into her parent's driveway. 

Once there, we enjoyed taking pictures of ourselves with the car and I declare that this was the best part of the experience.  Her father and mother came out and laughed at us and posed us and took even more pictures.  Roxanne joked with her father that if she had driven the car twenty years ago she would have had the scare of her life and the intrigue would have been gone.

car door view of knobs

At any rate, Roxanne is the very best bucket list buddy to have and if I had more creativity and an endless supply of money you would see us crossing things off the list on a monthly basis.  I hope that everyone had a wonderful Independence Day.  I am looking forward to seeing the Brooks, Maine parade pictures from Roxanne.  It is a big hometown celebration there and I am sorry to have missed it.

Roxanne...I love you and I love our adventures.  Let's start planning the next one!! 

Susan

Making Time For Memories

We recently spent three weeks in Maine, during which, we were able to do fun things amidst the planning and preparing for Tracey's wedding and getting the yearly house maintenance accomplished. 

On the way back to Boston, to fly back to Colorado, we stopped and spent the night in a hotel situated on Hampton Beach in New Hampshire.  It was a short amount of time, in relation to the three weeks we had just spent in Maine, but it will forever be a favorite memory of mine.

Beaches can be crowded places in the summer time, but Mom somehow timed it just right.  Once we got settled into our room, she brought Tan to the beach that evening, and then we all went again in the morning before taking off for the airport.  It seemed we had the whole place to ourselves, at those hours, and added a magical touch, as if it had been reserved for our entertainment alone.  Tan enjoyed playing in the waves, digging in the sand, and just running around in the wide open space.

I am sad to report that I was experiencing bone pain and fatigue so I was not able to enjoy the beach in a practical sense, but sitting there breathing in the smell of the ocean and seeing the joy on my son's face left me feeling quite satisfied.  It was an expensive evening, as far as money is concerned, but the memories we made that day are priceless.  I am thankful to my generous and thoughtful parents who planned this as a way to break up the long travel for me and my two year old, and to give us the gift of a day at the beach.  It is a sight that I often long for, as I live in Colorado, so any time spent near the Ocean is a welcome gift.

Since I work a lot with military members, I see a lot of people who are separated from their extended families, their spouses, and their children, for extended periods of time.  I have met many individuals who did not have a good childhood, and who do not have very many memories of family outings or special days.  I am reminded of the quote by George Eliot, who wrote, "it is never too late to be what you might have been."  I believe that this is also true of memories because you can begin today to make pleasant ones.

I count myself blessed to be born into a family whose values were to play with and spend time with their children.  I have been given a multitude of special memories of things we have done and places we have gone.  Even when we could not go anywhere more elaborate that than the dollar movie theater, or to buy a snow cone on a hot summer day in Texas, my parents were quick to supply at least that.  Even now, when we all get together, we laugh and joke and the time is enjoyable.  Our trip to Maine had some bumps in the road but we traversed them laughing ourselves silly.

I am proud to say that when my own little fledgling family found itself in the battle of my lifetime, I was quickly surrounded by my parents who were quick to sacrifice themselves, once again, to help me. They circled the wagons along with my local and now grafted-in Colorado family to support me and Huy and our son Tan.  It is a humbling and beautiful thing to be the recipient of so much love and care.  Additionally, I have hundreds of kind and caring folks praying for me all over the country.  I truly believe that because of this outpouring of prayer, love, support and God's mercy I am looking and feeling quite well.  I have more energy and stamina and can use it to work, travel and assist in the care of my son.  This is a pretty powerful statement when you remember that at the time of my diagnosis (Oct 09) I was unable to lift my infant son and could walk only with great difficulty.

Cancer is a crisis that affects everyone in a family.  In the beginning, I could not think of any word more scary than cancer.  Ok, well the word chemotherapy ran a close second for me on the scary scale.  I am 21 months into this cancer journey and I know that I would not feel as incredibly blessed as I feel today had I not experienced this.  I do not see cancer the same way today that I did back in October 09.  I do not see my loved ones the same or any opportunity to celebrate life.  I hope that I may be able to teach my son the importance of creating some special memories and spending time loving and being loved by family along his journey.  I pray that you will also be able to take some time this summer and make some special memories of your own.

Susan

Discovering Who You Are

What we are is God's gift to us.  What we become is our gift to God.  ~Eleanor Powell

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right.  ~Henry Ford

People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The simplest questions are the most profound.  Where were you born?  Where is your home?  Where are you going?  What are you doing?  Think about these once in a while and watch your answers change.  ~Richard Bach

The Ties That Bind

I was recently in Maine and had the opportunity to see a dear friend of our family named Donna.  Her laughter was music to my ears and her stories were even better.  Many have proclaimed me to be a good storyteller but she could beat me any day of the week and certainly twice on Sunday.  I do not know when I have last seen her or her husband face to face, but the tie is secure having been knotted in love, and I doubt it will be unraveled anytime soon.

I am sad to say that this is not true in regards to some of my extended family members.  Branches of that tree have fallen off and gotten lost and I feel a bit sick about it.  My outlook on such things has changed since my illness and perhaps as I have grown older.  I realize that relationships are fragile gifts that should be handled with care and nurtured to ensure their survival. 

The phrase "the tie that binds" is commonly used now and often in reference to family.  It is believed to be derived from an old Protestant Hymn.  I have provided a portion of this Hymn below and as you can see it holds more meaning than just that of family. 

Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like to that above.

If there is anyone whom you have not seen in a good amount of time I strongly encourage you to look them up.  Your heart will be uplifted for the time well spent.  I know that mine was.

I love you Donna and Herman!

Susan

The hot dog bun

If you have ever lived in one area of the country or world and then moved to another you know from personal experience that there are things that are awesome about where you grew up and then things that are not so awesome about your new digs.  One such disappointment for me is the hot dog bun.  That and the discovery that Chinese food is remarkably different everywhere you go, but that is a blog post for another day.

For those of you not from New England you might be surprised to learn that there is a big difference in something so simple.  Yes, a big difference.  I suppose that some of you are thinking right now that people with cancer should not eat hot dogs due to the nitrates and that is no doubt true as there has been a lot in the news recently about that.  I don't really eat hot dogs very much and have not even shopped for them at Whole Foods, but while in Maine, I admit I have eaten a few natural casing hot dogs and lobster rolls.  I have eaten them on this trip and I have enjoyed them largely due to the New England hot dog bun on which they were served, but now I digress.

You see, here, the hot dog bun is split ingeniously across the top so that you may lay the dog and condiments inside and it all stands upright and keeps things from spilling out.  Elsewhere, the roll is cut across the middle like a hamburger bun and is rather clumsy, in my humble opinion or like the younger generation likes to text...imho.



the other kind of bun split in the middle

Another beautiful aspect of this hot dog bun, for those of you foodies who appreciate food, is that the sides are nice and flat and can be grilled in a pan with some butter for a nice little crunch.  Not so, with those other buns.  I can hear it now...some of you think that I have completely lost my mind.  Sigh.  Maybe so, or perhaps I am just getting older and picking up on things I might not have noticed as I was racing around in my younger, more hectic days.
 

Crab Meat on a Hot Dog Bun

 Here is what I know, the taste of home is an important thing.  It is celebratory.  It is comforting.  It is a piece of you and it is missed when you do not have it.  I know that you all can not jump on a plane today but perhaps you can find some way to be good to yourself even if it is to look at some pictures of family that will warm your heart. 

Susan

 

Love Gifts

Red Camp is the Audet Camp
Yellow Camp owned by my Grandmother's sister

 Last Monday I was feeling the love for my precious Grammie and Grampy and my favorite place on earth when I accompanied my female relatives to the lakeside town in the state of Maine called China.  It is a wondrous thing to tread in a place where generations of your family members have trod and quite a special thing to visit a place you have been visited all of your life.  As I looked it over I could hardly believe that I have been visiting this place for forty years.

My grandparents are in their eighties now and is is a labor of love to help them open "camp", as we call it, affectionately for the season.  Winter is hard on a summer cottage in Maine and with brooms and buckets of water we scrubbed and cleaned.  We dusted and vacuumed and cleared out cobwebs.  We made beds with freshly laundered linens.  We washed out cub boards and cleaned all the windows.  It is very true that many hands make work light and in no time at all we had gotten that "camp" into fine summer readiness. 

It is our gathering place and it calls to us when the air turns warm.  I can hear the whisper no matter where I am but I hear it the loudest when I am in Maine.  Years ago our family, actually extended family, had an entire grouping of cottages on China Lake but those have given way to the times and now are owned by strangers.  When my mother was a child summers were spent in the presence of family who stayed there and played there all summer long year after year.

I am sad to say that on Monday when everyone was giving their love gifts to my grandparents I was able to give the least, having been sick as of late. I was not able to work as long or as hard as the others.  I wish with all of my being that my contribution could have been the largest portion because it would have better reflected the love that I feel in my heart for them and for that place..."camp"..my favorite place.  Opening up camp could never be work for me because it feels more like a privilege but then I suppose that this is the way that love gifts are supposed to feel.

Grammie and Grampy, I love you both so much.  Thank you for the years and years of enjoyment that you have given me and the happy memories I have of being at camp.

Susan

God Wants you to Know...Facebook Application

On this day, God wants you to know

... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed. That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success

 

Thanks Roxanne!!  What a good one!

 

Susan

Murphy's Law

If you look up Murphy's law on Wikipedia it states that it is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".

I don't subscribe to Murphy's law but it was feeling sort of true on June 1st when we traveled to Maine with my two year old son.  My father, mother, and I were very excited about having a direct flight from Denver to Boston.  That is practically unheard of from Colorado and it was going to really shorten the traveling day...or so we thought.

We had begun our descent when all of a sudden we could feel the plane begin to ascend rather then descend.  I have flown into Logan airport before and I could tell that we were circling.  Within a few minutes this was confirmed by the pilot who informed us that really bad thunderstorms were making things nasty below.   After awhile we were re-routed and the pilot announced that we were going to land at Bradley, Airport.

Immediately the entire plane was a-buzz with chatter.  Everyone was talking about where Bradley might be.  The woman sitting next to me had a map and we began to pour over it.  We found no Bradley Airport in Massachusetts.  Next, she pulled out a travel book.  We found Bradley Airport in Hartford, Connecticut. I sank back in my seat and depression hit me square in the face.  If we had arrived at our normal time it would still have been until about 11 pm that evening before we would have reached our stopping point. 

When we landed in Hartford the pilot announced that we were in luck and that they were going to allow us to deplane but that we could not go through security as we had no boarding pass to return with.  There was a TV on and soon the word spread that there were tornados touching down in the area and certainly the weather was bad.  The flight crew let us know that we would be updated at 8 pm but then we were given the signal to board.  The pilot informed us that we would try to get in the air at 8:15 pm when the lifted bad weather grounding was lifted and try to get us back to Boston.

We were delayed on the runway by an electrical storm and then again once when we landed at Boston.  By the time we landed, de-planed, got our luggage, took the shuttle to the rental car and then drove as far as we could and stopped it was 12:30 am.  This was a far cry from the original 5:30 pm arrival time in Boston but the crying was far from over.  The next morning in Kittery, Maine we got up and began to get ready to drive to pick up my sister in Auburn, as my Dad showered my mother offered to go out and get him some clean clothes.  When she opened up the trunk she realized that we had forgotten a suitcase at the airport in Boston.  She stood there for a minute staring at the trunk in disbelief then came inside to deliver the bad news.

We loaded up and drove into Boston to get the suitcase.  We got a little lost last night leaving and we got a little lost trying to get back in.  All told it was pretty uneventful and soon we were back on our way to Tracey's house.  Once we arrived we had a tour of Tracey and Joe's fabulous apartment that is quite large and I was impressed by the stunning beauty of her fish tank.  I spend some time doing a little creative organization of the trunk and miracle of miracles made room for everything and we were on our way again.  We finally arrived at our final destination which is our Maine house and linked on this website if you want to take a gander and despite that we were all pretty beat we were still joking and laughing and trying to make the most of it.

Sweet Rest At The End Of Long Travels

I knew when we landed that I was pretty much toast.  I had lost my ability to carry our bags or manage my son and informed my parents of this.  We arranged for a wheelchair and we pushed through.  It is really important when you are dealing with an illness that causes fatigue that you respect your limits.  This is especially important when travelling because you are at greater risk of injury when you become overly tired.  I don't like admitting to needing help.  I don't care for watching my family do the heavy lifting but a week in the hospital from past issues and neutropenic fever has nearly cured me of the sort of foolishness that comes with pride and stiff upper lips.

I would also like to mention that though we were tired, stressed, and ready to meet our destination we did not take out our frustration on each other (and I am proud to say that this includes the two year old).  Instead, we laughed ourselves silly.  You may not be able to choose what happens to you but you can choose whether you respond or react and your attitude while you do it.  I respectfully suggest you choose a good attitude and a response.  It gives you maximum fun, the most control and you get to look classy while your at it.  It beats the alternative in my book, reacting, which happens usually in a state of fear or anger.  Reacting instead of responding also means that you have lost your cool, there is very little censoring that takes place, and I have yet to see anyone who looks good with egg on their face.

Homeward Bound

As the days click off closer and closer to vacation the excitement and anticipation of being in Maine begins to grow.  I am ready for the time off from work, the celebrations, the family time and to see my old familiar stomping grounds.

I am enjoying the scent of the lilacs and watching the trees bud out fuller and fuller with leaves.  There is a gorgeous tree outside my work office window and I just love to look at it and watch the resident squirrel scurry around on the branches. 

This time of year always reminds me of Maine even though I now reside in Colorado.  I am so spoiled by the mild Colorado winters but I still celebrate the spring and summer as if I still live in Maine where the winter is long and gray.  As I pack my suitcase and think about Maine I am looking forward to this trip as if it were my first time traveling.

I feel good.  My health is improved.  My energy seems to be returning and I am ready to continue my quest of celebrating life in a more hands on way.  It probably helps that my two year old enjoys celebrating everything so he and I will be good companions on this trip.  We applause the conclusion of every show, every good meal and even every sip of a cold beverage with a splendid breathy ahhhh.

I toast my sister at the end of her journey to find a life partner.  My arms ache for the hugs that I am anxious to give and receive her and my friends and family as we come together to celebrate her and Joe.  They will be married soon and all the family will be there. I am so thrilled for her because she has waited a long time and we have never seen her so happy.

I am looking forward to the scrumptious food and the anticipation of it has influenced all of my recent menu selections.  "I am not having that...better to wait until I get to Maine where it will be fantastic." I say to myself quietly in my head as I pour over the menu.  Going home means enjoying all the favorite tastes of home and there are many to be had in the state of Maine.

This particular vacation has the added luxury of extra time built into it.  I do not know when I have had more than a week to spend in Maine and it will add to the enjoyment to not be in a hurry.

So to Maine then, I say get the red carpet ready.  To Colorado I bid you adieu.  And to Jo, I say move over missy, it is almost my turn on those fabulous screen porch rockers.

Hooray!!!  Homeward Bound!

Susan

To My Dear Commenter

I sent you a reply so be sure and check your junk mail if you do not see it in your in box.

I know that you are afraid.  This is all new to you.  I want you to know that I am here and so are many others.  I attached some of my strength with the email.  It opens automatically when you read my words and does not look like a regular attachment.  ;) 

Until we are able to speak here are some words on hope to help you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.  ~Christopher Reeve

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all.  ~Emily Dickinson

You've gotta have hope.  Without hope life is meaningless.  Without hope life is meaning less and less.  ~Author Unknown

Sending Love and Strength,
Susan

Thoughts on Health

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass.  ~Terri Guillemets

Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.  ~Mark Twain

The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience.  Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around.... Throughout history, "tender loving care" has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.  ~Larry Dossey

 

Hear your heart.  Heart your health.  ~Faith Seehill

From the bitterness of disease man learns the sweetness of health.  ~Catalan Proverb

A Place Just Right with a nod to (the song) Simple Gifts

By Guest Blogger Jo

Patten Pond in the mist

 Susan has been talking about important resources for weathering crises, and she provides a powerful witness to doing so, even sharing frankly when she feels weather-beaten.  I may be stealing her thunder, since at this moment I’m at the kitchen table in the beloved Comeau Maine house, but I want to write about “thin places.”  This home is such a place for my husband and me.

And what is a thin place, you ask?  It really has nothing to do with Becky’s diet or the state of the home’s current occupants.  Thin places are where you just know there isn’t much space between you and God – that if you close your eyes, take a deep breath and reach up, your hand will touch the holy.  Especially in the hard times of our lives, we need such places. 

The first time I mentioned to Becky that this was a thin place for us, she said that it had probably been worn thin by many Comeau prayers.  We’ve added to that, for sure, but I think it was already a thin place, because it’s where prayers just seem to pour out in complete and easy faith that they are heard.  It’s where prayers don’t even need to be articulated, they exist in listening to the rain, watching the healing movement of water, inhaling clean air.  They are shared when elbows touch over a jigsaw puzzle, when we laugh until we can hardly breathe or we sit in complete silence and listen to all that is sacred.

We’ve been fortunate to experience a number of thin places: Canyon de Chelly in Arizona, Zion National Park in Utah, hiking trails in the Canadian Rockies, Assisi, England’s Lake District, and our beloved Capon in West Virginia.  Moments in these places reach into all the memories that nurture us, remind us of how God has blessed us, and restore our faith that all will indeed be well.

In the last couple years, we’ve had our share of bad stuff to deal with.  Our larger family has faced financial setbacks, cancer diagnoses, other health scares, divorce, severe depression, revelations of childhood sexual abuse, imprisonment, estrangement, job insecurity, the passing of good friends… It has often been frightening, almost always overwhelming.  You can make your own list. 

But thanks be that we are here today, in this place, and we are being restored.  Susan and her family will be here in a couple weeks, and they will be filled as well.  And in your life, in your times of need, may you find your own thin places.

 Jo

Brainstorming is a Blast!

One aspect of my job that I absolutely love is brainstorming with my clients.  I love it when they run an idea past me and we come up with idea after idea.  Ideas are so fun.  Even the bad ones.  It reminds me of a dialogue from the movie..Under the Tuscan sun.

Tuscany



"Bramasole."                  

[ Speaking Italian ]

                  

It's a nice little villa.

Rather run-down, but redeemable.
                  
Are you going to buy it?
                  
No, no, no.
I'm just a tourist
here for the day.
                 
So?

Well, who wouldn't want to buy
a villa in Tuscany?                  
But the way my life's been going
that would be a terrible idea.

A terrible idea.

Mm-hmm.

Don't you just love those?

It seems to be a true fact that one may have idea after idea for what someone else should do and none for yourself.  I heard from an old teacher once, that the questioner will never be able to come up with the answer because their mind is consumed by the question.

While I don't advocate living your life by committee. Some people just don't have the life experience to give you good guidance or at times they are not able to remain neutral while you act in the way you feel best.  Especially since, there are some who are not able to connect with your authentic heart and give you good suggestions. Taking those considerations in mind; I do love the idea of a brainstorming party.  If you had a bunch of business people together and divide them into teams it would be fun to see how many ideas each team could come up with.  Then you would have a bunch of ideas to consider.

I love thinking over a project or an idea of someone and seeing what I can come up with.  My best suggestions are usually things I have no interest in or would ever even do myself.   It is one fun hour to spend with someone.  If you choose to hit some friends up for a brain storming session then be sure that they can handle it emotionally if you hate their ideas.  It could happen.  I offer e-coaching as part of my business for people who need a safe sounding board or a new stream of ideas.  I have linked my website under the link section of this blog.

Anyway folks.  Get thinking and get creative.  Have fun.

Susan

Your Relationship With Your Doctor

If you are newly diagnosed with cancer or if someone you love is then please know that I consider it my duty to post articles designed to help you.  Now if you are anything like me than you don't especially like to go to the doctor but you will soon get over that.  Having cancer means that you will be going to the doctor a lot and you will soon get used to the different kinds of tests being run on you all the time.

Choosing your oncologist is probably the single biggest decision you will need to make and one that can make or break this treatment process.  You will need someone who will help you aggressively fight this disease and one who can communicate well with you.  It is vitally important that you have a really good working relationship with your doctor.

When I was first diagnosed I was referred to the same oncologist that I have now.  I was not able to get right in to see her so I had my "orientation" appointment with a very nice male oncologist who cared for me during my hospital stay.  As we discussed which forms of treatment were available to me I immediately latched on to any treatment that avoided chemotherapy.  To me chemotherapy was synonymous with torture and I was afraid of it.

Two weeks later I meet my oncologist who informed me that I will be going on chemotherapy.  I tried to argue with her and of course I had done my research (reading anything and everything to was pro-hormone therapy and anti-chemotherapy) but all arguments were futile.  My oncologist is a tiger and she was well equipped to take me on.  She let me know in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to get better and walk again real soon then I was going on chemotherapy.  I began to cry and she gently explained to me that chemotherapy has come a long, long way.  She was right.  In about two months I was able to move with much greater ease.  I was not ill and I did spend anytime vomiting despite all that I had heard about chemotherapy.

I learned two things from this experience arguing with my Doctor on that day and in the months to follow.  1.  I am my greatest advocate.  I need to pay attention, do my research, ask questions and speak up if I don't agree or don't understand something.  2.  I have no knowledge of oncology.  I may be an intelligent woman but I am not practiced in the art of cancer treatment.  No amount of reading articles or books on the subject will ever substitute the day to day wisdom of my Doctor and I need to place my trust in her. Thus far, she has proved herself time and again and I am alive today because she is a skilled oncologist.

I do not believe that in today's world anyone should passively trust their Doctor or medical professional to make decisions for them. I think there is a difference between actively participating in your treatment and turning the reigns over to someone else. You need to know what medications you are on, which you have been on and why you are being prescribed them.  It is important to maintain an open dialogue about your treatment.  Ask for copies of all reports and consider keeping a journal.  Never be afraid to advocate for yourself and do not be afraid to speak up when you know that something is not right.  Your life may depend on these skills.  You might also consider taking someone with you to help you listen and perhaps be a note taker because you might react emotionally and then have a hard time recalling what was said.

I hope that you are never placed in a situation like this but I pray that if you are then maybe some of this information may help you.

Susan

When cancer/crisis calls..rally the troops

In my humble opinion the best defense against cancer or crisis is a good support system.  I know from personal experience that dealing with this kind of crisis can take a huge toll on your body, your mind, your emotions and your entire family. If you want to know what the best offensive move against such a challenge then I suggest you build an excellent support system.  In my case, the support comes from my friends and my family.  For others, I know that there is a lot of strife and difficulty in their family and extended family and this would make leaning on them in times of trouble a bit hard. 



Clowning around on our 1st Disney trip as a family

If this last statement is reminiscent of your family I would recommend that you begin working on repairing those relationships to the best of your ability.  You never know when they might need you or you might need them and even the healthiest families are thrown for a loop in times of cancer and or other types of crisis.  Good communicators can become screaming banshees when under extreme stress.  Rock solid individuals can be reduced to sniveling whiners.  Let's face it, cancer is not pretty and facing cancer can turn even the most loving of families ugly on a bad day. 
Now please hear the spirit in which I make this suggestion.  I am not suggesting that you keep good friends or family members around in case you need to get something out of them.  I believe that part of loving and being loved is contributing to each other in times of need.  If you never have to face cancer or a major crisis you will still need a support system.  We all need to vent and we all need a sounding board to bounce ideas off of.  I cannot tell you how often I see people in therapy who do not have a support system or friends outside of their family and it always scares me.  If there is a family crisis who are they going to turn to who can be supportive and neutral and who is outside the emotional turmoil?

Take a look at your life and inventory your support team.  Is is strong and sufficiently large?  Does it contain members outside of your family?  Do you have supportive people who live in the same town as you do that can sit across the table from you and hold your hand?  I live in a military community and often soldiers and their family have strong supports but no one local.  If you get a flat tire on the highway do you have a list of helpful and capable people to come and help?  If you have to take your spouse to the ER in the middle of the night is there someone to call who will pop out of bed and come and watch your kids?

If the answer to any of these questions is no then work on cultivating these relationships now.  You might want to start with some of the friends that you might have abandoned when you got married or got busy with the normal things that come with life.  Give them a call because they might be needing you right now as you are reading this post.  I hope that you never urgently need a support system but if you do then you will be glad you took me up on this advice.

Enjoy the giggles and fun times in the meantime.

Susan

Why we celebrate

Nothing is more important to family culture than celebrations.  It is vitally important to set aside time to recognize each other and take part in official holidays and designated family celebrations.  Yesterday was Mother's day, which can be a special way to thank your mother and the mother of your children, for all that they have contributed to the family.

I think it is probably safe to say that women place a bit more importance on these days than sometimes the men in their lives.  I have seen woman after woman sitting on my couch crying her eyes out because her husband failed to make one of these important days special.  Today, I had a woman crying on my couch because her husband did not even seem to notice it was a special day much less acknowledge her as a mother to his children.

Men please know that you have the power to be the hero on these days or the villain.  Your woman's heart is easily broken.  It will continue to be broken because all of her family members and all of her friends will be asking her what you did for her on Mother's Day, Valentines Day, her Birthday, Christmas and for your Anniversary.  If you played the part of the hero, all her friends will croon and talk about how wonderful you are.  If you chose to be a villain, then all her friends and family will talk trash about you and offer to open up a can of whoop-ass on you or worse.  Your actions on these special days is an act of your love and devotion or a declaration to all that you are lacking in either of these attributes.

Woman after woman have confided in me that it is primarily about the effort and not about the material cost of the contribution.  If you listen to your woman and notice when she is pleased than this should be easy for you.  I recommend that when you take her shopping you make a list of things she seems to be interested in.  If you see her stop and admire something snap a picture with your phone or write it on a slip of paper and tuck it in your wallet.  If all else fails ask her what would make the day special for her a week before the day.  Do not ask on the day in question.  If you have no plan by the time the day arrives it is too late and trust that you have a heartbroken woman on your hands.  Also please ensure that your plan is complete with things your sweetheart wants to do or places she wants to eat and not your personal favorites.  She will not see this as a win/win she will be insulted.

When I was diagnosed with cancer all of these special days and family traditions unique to our family became much more meaningful to me.  I worry how long I will be able to remain in my son's life and to be his mother.  Mother's day held additional meaning to me this year.  I was very pleased to be able to share the day in person with my own mother and my son.  My son love to celebrate.  He takes great pleasure in having all of us around and eating special food.  My Dad calls it my son's wolf pack.

I know for some folks that there are particular days that hold negative attachments for them.  If this is the case then I suggest you get out your calendar, sit down with your significant other and pick out a new day to celebrate.  If it is your birthday then cancel the d/o/b date and select a celebrate your life day and make up the rules.  Your family wants to celebrate and they need to celebrate.  Find ways to make it happen.

If you are stuck on this then give me a call and schedule an appointment for phone session.  If you are one of those men who broke a heart yesterday than text me 911 after your phone number.  I will only charge my regular fee for first time offenders.

Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate.

Susan

My Mother

I can honestly say that my mother is the most amazing woman that I know.  As far as mothers go, I suppose that she is unique in the sense that there is not too many things that she isn’t good at.  She is a good writer.  She is a good cook.  She is good with people.  She is a good supporter.  She is a good friend.  She is a good swimmer.  Hmmn perhaps I would have been better off to write a blog about her flaws, though none come to mind.

My favorite picture of Mom
 with her father Paul Audet

I have previously written about how my father has been here in Colorado taking care of the baby and has aided me in a hands-on sense.  I have not written about how my mother and I have become good friends and speak several times a day.  She is my champion and greatest emotional support.  Over the years we have ironed out an agreement and when she isn’t sure what kind of support I need she asks if I need a shoulder or a sounding board.  Sometimes, she listens with a sympathetic ear and other times she gives me honest feedback.

My mother is an incredibly interesting woman and quite a jokester.  She loves to laugh and really enjoys it if she can pull one over on you.  If she does get you, as my brother can testify, she takes enormous pleasure in it.  If you catch her in the act, she will feign ignorance and adamantly deny that she is up to anything, but with enough pressure she will confess.

My brother recalls how if they would see Bruce Lee on TV she would joke that she was the one who taught him all that he knows.  When he would reply, “oh you did..huh?”  She would say “yes, in fact, I was a little disappointed that he took so long it pick it up.  I had to keep showing him over and over.”

Or if they were out and about and saw a Harley Davidson motorcycle my brother might remark that he really liked it.  “Wow..I wish I had a bike like that” he might say.  My mother would then retort, “I actually have one just like that but I decided that I should upgrade because I have gotten bored with that style.”  Mom has quite a sense of humor and we spend a lot of time laughing.

She is also very generous with all that she has and all the talent that she has been given.  She is not afraid to put her talents to good use to help someone out.  I am always in awe of her generosity and her creativity.  I am quite sure that those who know her best would agree with this assessment of her.  It was her idea to start this blog and she had it up and running in record time.  Mom taught me how to use the format and we have been blogging ever since.  She has even begun her own blog to chronicle her weight loss journey.  If you haven’t already been there to visit then please check her out at http://howtogetyourlifeback.blogspot.com/.

When it comes to my feelings for my mother I could certainly go on and on.  I wrote all of this to let you all know that I love her.  If you ever have the chance to meet her and/or spend time with her then you will catch a glimpse of how wonderful she is.  Happy Mother’s Day!!  Thank you for all the things you do for me.  I am certainly blessed because of you.

Some Quotes For Mother’s Day

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.  ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  ~Washington Irving

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer

Just to chew on

Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning?
  ~Coleman Cox

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.  ~Leo Aikman

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.  ~Jonathan Kozel

Sometimes we get what we deserve ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpodVp6LH8s
Mercy Came Running by Phillips, Craig & Dean

There are certainly times in life when we are in need of some discipline and God deals with us.  I have been taken to the proverbial woodshed many times in my life.  This week I had the priveledge to have a seat front and center and was able to see God's mercy in action.

I accompanied a client to court to advocate for her on a drunk driving offense (she has given permission for me to write this blog about her.  It is her desire to give God the glory).  My personal opinion was that she deserved to go to jail.  I have been working with her since last July after she was arrested. We have been addressing her issues and anxiety, especially her extreme anxiety about being confined in jail.  She is a new believer and had been praying in earnest for God's mercy.  She saw this situation as her "wake-up" call and had taken a lot of action to change her life since her arrest.  I should add that she has been quite faithful and resolute in these changes and has not wavered from them even a little.

I attended court with her to testify but also because I wanted to try to make sure her sentencing was immediate (it had been put off several times drawing out and causing unbearable anxiety for her) and I wanted to be there when she fell apart upon hearing she would go to jail.  I fully believed that this would be what happened.  I thought it was unavoidable. Apparently, I was wrong.

What I am taking away from this experience is a humbleness and new appreciation for God's mercy.  Divine love and mercy truly goes beyond our understanding.  Good thing!  I do not pretend to understand what happens in this world.  I do not understand why some things happen to some people and how others are spared what looks to be an oncoming disaster.  I DO know that my understanding of justice is human and that God merits out his mercy according to His own divine love and understanding.

I have a new appreciation for the saying..."Relax..God is in charge".  I also intend to work on being less judgemental the next time I see what looks to me to be someone NOT being held accountable.  It will no doubt be a sign that divine love and mercy are in play and that I should mind my own business.

Sigh...I am a work in progress.

Susan

First You Cry

Guest Blogger Dianne McInerney

 We who are privileged to know Susan Comeau Nguyen, recognize that she is an amazing woman. She is facing one of life’s most difficult challenges with dignity, aplomb and the wisdom of one who knows many of life’s secrets.  It is no surprise then that she practices so beautifully the art of helping others.  Susan has much to give.  Today, however, I want to talk about another aspect of her arduous battle. That is the demanding, gut-wrenching role of loved ones who must watch terrified from the sidelines, unable to stop the monster from advancing…unable to stop the heart from breaking…unable to make it all go away.

     Just as Susan gives of herself from a heart that has been scarred and made wiser, I too speak from difficult experience.  I was not made to watch my daughter fight cancer.  My war was with a monster of a different color.  During the 1990’s, two of my three daughters were hospitalized with anorexia.   Suzanne, my oldest, started her battle with food at 12 years old.  Sue’s best friend moved away.  She fell into a deep depression that was manifested by turning away from all pleasure, including eating.  Soon her new-found sense of control ran away with itself and my daughter found herself drowning in a problem she could not fix.  We adults in her life cried, agonized, suffered in a way that words can not describe, and eventually sought the therapeutic help that my daughter needed to become whole again.

     During those 8 years my youngest daughter felt alone and out-of-control.  She, too, began to starve herself.   At 18 years old and 5’6” my precious child starved herself down to 71 pounds, was asked to leave her college (for health reasons) and was hospitalized with malnutrition and dehydration.  From my perspective, she for whom I would lay down my own life, was throwing her life away.  Broken and battle-weary, I sought to understand my own feelings in this disaster.  I searched through libraries and book stores trying to find words of wisdom for those who must watch and weep.  There were none.  Finally in desperation I interviewed 100 families slogging through the same mess I was given and wrote the words myself.

     Much to my surprise I found that although these families had their own unique stories to tell, ALL families had several things in common.  And their insights are universal for those of us who are part of our suffering loved-ones journey. 

     The first insight applies to caretakers everywhere.  Take care of yourself!  No matter how impossible it seems to find time for yourself amidst all of the responsibilities your loved-one’s battle causes for you, you must find “YOU TIME.”  If you do not refuel you will not run the race set before you.  The more you are needed, the more you will need to refuel.

    Next, remember to communicate.  Ladies, if your daughter who was once a great pal and talker can no longer share with you, then you develop friendships and communicate your hurts, your fears and your joys there.  Your needs have not changed just because of your new circumstances.  Now more than ever you need to see your needs met.  Most women need to share.   Let that sharing carry you forward.

     Men.  You want to fix things.  After all, you fixed your child’s toys.  You fixed their bicycles.  You made sure to have a college fund.  You provided a safe automobile.  Please understand that you can not fix this.  This monster (whatever the monster may be) is your loved-one’s battle to fight.  That knowledge will make you angry.  It will frustrate you.  It will make you feel like a failure.  But the fact is your warrior needs to hear your heart.  He or she needs to feel your support and encouragement in the battle.  Do you wish you could make it all go away?  Say so.  Do you hate what is happening with a passionate, vengeful hatred?  Tell her.  Your communication will fix broken self esteem and a battle-weary soul.

                                                                                              

     Finally, remember faith.  Nothing is hopeless.  Love can grow in wartime.  Lessons can be learned in times that defy your belief.  Cherishing grows deeper, bonds become stronger and life itself becomes more precious as you face the unthinkable.   Pray with all your might but leave your palms open to receive the gifts as you do. And yes, there will be gifts.  Adversity is the pathway to life’s sweetest gifts if we have a heart to understand them.

     None of us will leave this earth unscarred.  We who love others will all face times of watching our loved ones bear things we never wanted them to bear.  Those who love us will also go through the same thing as we must face our own trials.  It is my prayer that the principles I learned in my hard times will be helpful to you in yours.

Diane

An Ode to Our Angel

To Our Daughter, Mary

You were born and died on April 26, 1975, 36 years ago today.  I carried you 7.2 months and you weighed 2.2 pounds.  Although we never held you in our arms, you have been in our hearts all these years.  Your Dad and I, Susan and Tracey (your two older sisters) planted a little clump of 4 White Birch trees at our home in your memory, one tree for each of us who loved you and were sad that God took you away so soon.  36 years later those trees are now huge, reaching towards the heavens and growing closer to you every year.  Someday, maybe you can show us around the home you have been living in all these years and we can have a big family reunion. You also have a brother, Scott and now a nephew, Tan.   We all look forward to getting to know you throughout eternity. Happy Birthday!!   We love you.

Mom 

ps, I hope the other angels throw you a party today

Feeling Good Is The First Step To Living Your Best Life

Reprinted from Mom's new blog....how to get your life back.blogspot.com

Have you ever heard the expression that "what you spend your time doing is who you are"?  What about this expression..."nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"...have you heard that one"?  I have spent a lot of time in the last year and a half thinking about living, weight, and health.  If you are not familiar with my story then I should inform you that I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer in October 2009.

Since that diagnosis, I have had an abundance of time to contemplate a wide variety of subjects and big among them was..how to get my life back.  You see, I didn't want to just be alive, I wanted to live..really live.  For me, really living is squeezing all the juice out of good living and feeling good about myself in the process.  It is really hard to have a lot of enjoyment in your daily living if you don't feel good about yourself.

Over the last year and a half my weight has fluctuated tremendously.  In the begining my weight dropped rapidly as the cancer really took hold.  Then with the first and second round of chemotherapy, steroids, and anti-estrogen medications my weight has begun to climb.  It has been a real emotional roller coaster and my body-image and satisfaction with my appearance has taken a beating.  I want to weigh less but I also want to be healthy.  When you have cancer it is not quite as simple as going on a diet and losing a few pounds.

I have gotten permission to take off some weight if Ido it in a slow and healthy way.  I will keep you informed of my progress by posting on this blog  (howtogetyourlifeback.blogspot.com).  Living my best life means that I am feeling good, looking good and have energy to keep up with my two year old. 

I am inspired by my mother and the recent success and new found excitement she is experiencing.  I have some of that, thank you very much.

Susan