For those of you who do not know I have to confess that I am a Craigslist aficionado. I could entertain you all day with stories of purchases made or things I have sold using Craigslist. [Note: I live in a big military area so people come and go frequently and there are safety measures I follow that I would be happy to share.]
On Sunday, I was poking around and saw an advertisement for a stainless steel turkey roasting pan for $15. It reminded me that the holidays are nearly upon us and I felt a little rush of excitement. I quickly emailed the kind lady posting the ad and we exchanged a volley of emails. I met her yesterday outside of the county clerks office and after we exchanged cash for goods we exchanged stories.
Her mother had just died, being advanced in age, and she and her husband had been left with the task of figuring out what to do with all her things. She, herself had been married, probably well over 45 years, and they had come to the conclusion that they had too much stuff. I had been inquiring what else she had to offer and her reply was too much to even begin offering a list. An entire storage shed, in fact, and she had no idea what was in it. I think she was overwhelmed with the enormity of this task.
I shared with her my health struggles and I saw her shudder. She confessed that she had some close calls but so far she continued to be healthy. She promised to pray for me and add me to her church's prayer list. I smiled to myself as I got in the car. I don't know what is more fun about Craigslist. The fabulous finds or the interesting people I would otherwise never have had the privilege of meeting.
The holidays are coming. I am looking forward to them with a zest I have not had in years. I am hoping that this Thanksgiving we can skip the hair shaving portion but truthfully, it is looking iffy. I am reasonably sure that I will be able to sit at the table and share in the bounty without difficulty. Last year holding myself upright for more than 10-15 minutes was almost out of the question.
The roasting pan is beautiful and will aid in providing me with the Thanksgiving dinner I look forward to all year. Mom will be here and we will make all the family favorites. Last year the baby sat in his walker and had just begun eating solid food. We gave him a bite of squash and he immediately rejected it. This year he will sit and feed himself with his little fork and spoon, which I have to say, he is pretty skilled at.
Sadly, not all the family will be here. As we are from Maine, my extended family will be there gathering and celebrating and spending time together. We are growing in number and being in one house on Thanksgiving day is becoming harder and harder. I wish that I could be there too, but I will have to make due with my own scaled down version here in Colorado. I want to embrace each of them and tell them how much I love them and how important family is. We need to make time for each other. I can see that now so clearly, even when it seems difficult or like too much trouble. I wish that I had visited more often when I was healthy and traveling was easy. Hopefully, I will get a second chance to strengthen those relationships and shore them up before they slip away. This can happen when a family begins to get really big.
I also found Mom a Creme Brulee set that included a torch from a delightful family from India. They are selling everything because they are returning to India. Her Creme Brulee desserts are really something and we are going to have fun learning how to make the crunchy top coat that is the crowning glory of this delicious treat. Sigh. We are quite committed to this field of research, so if you are in Colorado and stop in for a visit, you might find yourself employed as a taster.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
New / Old Post MRI findings from 10-12-09
To view this post you will need to look under the heading 2009 and then under the October heading. You will need to scroll down the list until you find the post entitled MRI FINDINGS OF THE LUMBAR SPINE.
I had picked up this report which was folded in half and stapled once on my way to see the orthopedic surgeon. I opened it in the car and attempted to read it. You can see from reading it yourself how difficult it is to understand. When I came to the part regarding possible reasons for my fracture I freaked out and called Mom. I was pretty stunned that different types of cancer where suggested.
I did not realize that this was the beginning of a big journey.
I had picked up this report which was folded in half and stapled once on my way to see the orthopedic surgeon. I opened it in the car and attempted to read it. You can see from reading it yourself how difficult it is to understand. When I came to the part regarding possible reasons for my fracture I freaked out and called Mom. I was pretty stunned that different types of cancer where suggested.
I did not realize that this was the beginning of a big journey.
The Spirit Is Willing But The Body Is Weak
This week I received radiation every day. My right hip was giving me pretty constant pain and I have developed weakness. Weakness to the point where I need to assist my right leg in and out of the car and up into bed.
I tolerated the radiation very well, in fact, I felt nothing during the treatments and suffered little side effects during the week. These treatments should eliminate the pain and help with the weakness. As my cancer have moved into my bone marrow using radiation is not a great idea and in fact these treatments probably negatively affected about 5% of my bone marrow. This is why it has not been part of my ongoing treatment regimen.
I get worn out from working but there is also an initial energizing effect so it can sneak up on me. I enjoyed my work week despite the toll these extra appointments took on my time. I was really feeling like I got away with it pretty well until Saturday morning hit. I awoke with extreme exhaustion and great difficulty moving around. It was tough to turn over in bed and to get in and out of bed.
I heard my son laughing and playing with his father and I wanted to join in. It can be a difficult thing to want to participate in the activities that have brought me joy in the past and be physically unable. I slept like a log last night but woke with the same difficulties as yesterday along with a headache and some nausea. This can be crushing both physically and emotionally. I am growing tired of this situation and wish that I could return to "normal". I continue to have great hope that I can beat this and resume part if not all of what I desire to do.
For those of you that have checked this blog this week and wondered why there were no new posts I can tell you it was because this week was filled to the brim. I confess that I am pretty worn out. It would also be helpful to hear from you all with suggestions on posting material. I seem to be suffering from some writers block.
I tolerated the radiation very well, in fact, I felt nothing during the treatments and suffered little side effects during the week. These treatments should eliminate the pain and help with the weakness. As my cancer have moved into my bone marrow using radiation is not a great idea and in fact these treatments probably negatively affected about 5% of my bone marrow. This is why it has not been part of my ongoing treatment regimen.
I get worn out from working but there is also an initial energizing effect so it can sneak up on me. I enjoyed my work week despite the toll these extra appointments took on my time. I was really feeling like I got away with it pretty well until Saturday morning hit. I awoke with extreme exhaustion and great difficulty moving around. It was tough to turn over in bed and to get in and out of bed.
I heard my son laughing and playing with his father and I wanted to join in. It can be a difficult thing to want to participate in the activities that have brought me joy in the past and be physically unable. I slept like a log last night but woke with the same difficulties as yesterday along with a headache and some nausea. This can be crushing both physically and emotionally. I am growing tired of this situation and wish that I could return to "normal". I continue to have great hope that I can beat this and resume part if not all of what I desire to do.
For those of you that have checked this blog this week and wondered why there were no new posts I can tell you it was because this week was filled to the brim. I confess that I am pretty worn out. It would also be helpful to hear from you all with suggestions on posting material. I seem to be suffering from some writers block.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Beautiful Bar Harbor
We went to Bar Harbor while on vacation in Maine. It is a beautiful place to visit. It has all of the New England charm with the hustle and bustle of an active Harbor. It offers shopping, restaurants, a beautiful walk around the rocky beach and a small strip of sandy beach, which my son loves.
One of the best parts about going on vacation is the creation of memories to enjoy for the rest of your life. When you go on vacation with loved ones it can be fun to reminisce about what you did, the things you saw and the great time you had. We visited Bar Harbor in June and the 30 minutes spent on the beach with my son, his first time seeing a beach and the ocean, were about the most memorable parts of that trip. This time around we were anxious to repeat this experience and it proved to be as much fun.
This was a beautiful fall day in late September and the temperature was about 75 degrees. The temperature of the water was probably about 50 degrees but as you can see that didn't stop him. He loves it. After about 20 minutes we peeled off his wet clothes and dressed him in fresh warm clothes and jacket. We actually drew a crowd who watched this fearless baby playing in the ocean.
Creating special memories does not require that you travel to some far off place or spend a bunch of money. My favorite childhood memories are from holiday activities that we did at home as a family. So whether you travel or stay at home I hope that you will take a little "holiday" with your loved ones and make some memories. These memories will sustain and entertain you when times get tough or find yourself unable to get out.
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| 6-15-2010 |
One of the best parts about going on vacation is the creation of memories to enjoy for the rest of your life. When you go on vacation with loved ones it can be fun to reminisce about what you did, the things you saw and the great time you had. We visited Bar Harbor in June and the 30 minutes spent on the beach with my son, his first time seeing a beach and the ocean, were about the most memorable parts of that trip. This time around we were anxious to repeat this experience and it proved to be as much fun.
This was a beautiful fall day in late September and the temperature was about 75 degrees. The temperature of the water was probably about 50 degrees but as you can see that didn't stop him. He loves it. After about 20 minutes we peeled off his wet clothes and dressed him in fresh warm clothes and jacket. We actually drew a crowd who watched this fearless baby playing in the ocean.
Creating special memories does not require that you travel to some far off place or spend a bunch of money. My favorite childhood memories are from holiday activities that we did at home as a family. So whether you travel or stay at home I hope that you will take a little "holiday" with your loved ones and make some memories. These memories will sustain and entertain you when times get tough or find yourself unable to get out.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
On This Day God Wants You To Know
God wants you to know that circumstances don't make you, they reveal you. How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you. How are you handling the life that you have been given?
My friend Roxanne has signed up to receive these little God wants you to know notices on Facebook. I confess that I have not signed up for them, though I am often uplifted by the messages that I read on her profile. This particular one gives me pause for reflection. How have I handled this circumstance of cancer and what has this part of my journey revealed about my character?
Nothing is more revealing, challenging, and demonstrative of character than crisis. Cancer is certainly a crisis that effects an entire family. It holds a magnifying glass to any cracks or defects and can exploit any weakness that exists. We, as a family, are being tested in this portion of the journey as a result of this cancer. Our loyalty, faith and commitment to each other, as a family, is being brought into question and challenged by the stress of this situation.
I have learned things about myself that I do not think I would otherwise have learned. I didn't realize how strong my commitment was to my work. There have been days when I practically had to crawl up the stairs to my office and I was grateful that I could still get up there. I am surprised at how much this portion of my life means to me and how strong the drive is in me to be who I am.
My desire to remain a mother to my child and member of my family has quadrupled. Life is so precious and every minute I have with my son and my family is treasured. I love my family both my immediate and my extended. Do we get along all of the time. Most assuredly not. Past slights, eccentricities and annoying mannerisms certainly do not weigh more important than the ties that bind, especially now.
Pain and fatigue has also brought negative traits out in me. I am guilty of being grouchy, irritable and snarly at times with those that I love. My ability to be patient has been significantly reduced. My willingness to go out and go shopping, out to restaurants and seek entertainment outside of the home has been reduced to practically nil. As a result, my husband and friends have been neglected. I almost have a full plate with appointments and work and there is not much energy left over, even for talking on the phone. Many evenings I am in bed at 6 pm..
Having cancer has encouraged me to consider my character and work on the weak spots. It is a good idea for everyone to take a little self-inventory now and then. It is much more fun to do voluntarily, when things are going well, than when a little crisis is sprinkled into your life. I think it is important to mention, here, that crisis is part of the human condition and does not mean you are being punished or you have done something to deserve it. I hope that you will take a look at your character and see what God may want to reveal to you.
Susan
My friend Roxanne has signed up to receive these little God wants you to know notices on Facebook. I confess that I have not signed up for them, though I am often uplifted by the messages that I read on her profile. This particular one gives me pause for reflection. How have I handled this circumstance of cancer and what has this part of my journey revealed about my character?Nothing is more revealing, challenging, and demonstrative of character than crisis. Cancer is certainly a crisis that effects an entire family. It holds a magnifying glass to any cracks or defects and can exploit any weakness that exists. We, as a family, are being tested in this portion of the journey as a result of this cancer. Our loyalty, faith and commitment to each other, as a family, is being brought into question and challenged by the stress of this situation.
I have learned things about myself that I do not think I would otherwise have learned. I didn't realize how strong my commitment was to my work. There have been days when I practically had to crawl up the stairs to my office and I was grateful that I could still get up there. I am surprised at how much this portion of my life means to me and how strong the drive is in me to be who I am.
My desire to remain a mother to my child and member of my family has quadrupled. Life is so precious and every minute I have with my son and my family is treasured. I love my family both my immediate and my extended. Do we get along all of the time. Most assuredly not. Past slights, eccentricities and annoying mannerisms certainly do not weigh more important than the ties that bind, especially now.
Having cancer has encouraged me to consider my character and work on the weak spots. It is a good idea for everyone to take a little self-inventory now and then. It is much more fun to do voluntarily, when things are going well, than when a little crisis is sprinkled into your life. I think it is important to mention, here, that crisis is part of the human condition and does not mean you are being punished or you have done something to deserve it. I hope that you will take a look at your character and see what God may want to reveal to you.
Susan
Friday, October 15, 2010
A Special Gift
The ministry folks make these "prayer shawls" for those suffering through a time of transition, crisis or need. The shawls are often made with a specific friend in mind and are either knit or crocheted. As they are made, the maker holds that person in his or her thoughts, according to her spiritual traditions.
I received this beautiful shawl from Barbara Browd who included a card that informed me that I have been in her thoughts and prayers. Included in the card was a beautiful poem that I will include here below. This shawl is soft and the colors are very pretty. Thank you so much Barbara for thinking of me and sending me this gift.
A Prayer Of Blessing by Janet Bristow
May God's grace be on this shawl - warming, comforting and enfolding.
May this mantle be a safe haven
sustaining and embracing in
good times as well as
difficult ones.
May the one who receives this
shawl - be cradled in hope -
kept in joy - graced with peace
You can find out more at http://www.shawlministry.com/ and in the book Knitting Into The Ministry
and wrapped in love.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Hope Renewed, Faith Restored, Kitchen Saved
A lot has happened since that last post, complete with my Victorian-Era hysteria, regarding my kitchen remodeling project and my work. I can tell you, knowing you will keep this in confidence, that I had just heard that the granite would be $3,500. This was after hearing that the cabinets would nearly be taking up my entire budget of $5,000 which had seemed generous for the itty, bitty kitchen I have to work with.
I thought for sure that this granite pricing would mean that the entire project would be canceled at the time and I was more than just a little sad about things. It is one thing to go into a project with a budget and the understanding that things happen and you may exceed your budget. It is another thing entirely to go into a project with the budget already doubled from what you agreed upon with your husband at the onset.
I was in the middle of my hissy fit victorian style when my client called upon me for help. I saw him today at 3 p.m.. God blessed me incredibly and in that short amount of time I was able to work through my grouchiness, depression and misery (over my trivial kitchen project) and become inspired once again.
He was pretty beat up and had yet another story of being stomped on by life, in addition to being fired, from his most recent job. I listened, from my freshly earned good place, and as he spoke to me he wiped countless tears from his face. When we were midway through our session I said this to him: "Friend (in lieu of his name) I want to tell you a story about God and how God loves us so much and cares about what we care about. He cares about my kitchen and if He cares about my kitchen I can tell you that He cares about your future."
I told him the story about what was happening to me when he contacted me and all that transpired between then and the time of our appointment. About how the $3,500 quote was wrong and that it was actually $2,100 for the counter tops and that after speaking with the carpenter it was currently down to $1500 and now included the back splashes that I wanted. He raised his eyebrows at this and at me when I told him that God cares about my dreams, all the details of those dreams and He cares about my feelings. This is not to say that God is at our beck and call to deliver up said dreams but His caring for us, His children, is so complete that He cares about what we are interested in.
He opened up about His faith that has been lost after being rejected by his priest recently over needed assistance. I shared with Him that we are God's children and have a direct line of communication with Him that was restored when Jesus died on the cross. The more we talked the more my Friend's hope and faith were restored. We spoke about the power of God. We talked about things always seem the darkest right before the dawn. I encouraged him to hang on because I believe that help is coming. He asked me to pray for him and stated that he could feel the Holy Spirit. I promised him that I would pray for him.
Would you say a little prayer for him? You can just tell God it is Susan's friend because He knows who you are referring to.
Thank you for all the support, prayers and encouragement that I received during my time of drama and crisis. I want everyone to know that I am human all the way through and behave like one day in and day out. I make mistakes. I say the wrong thing...often and have an entire list of my own personal flaws and defects.
Susan
I thought for sure that this granite pricing would mean that the entire project would be canceled at the time and I was more than just a little sad about things. It is one thing to go into a project with a budget and the understanding that things happen and you may exceed your budget. It is another thing entirely to go into a project with the budget already doubled from what you agreed upon with your husband at the onset.
I was in the middle of my hissy fit victorian style when my client called upon me for help. I saw him today at 3 p.m.. God blessed me incredibly and in that short amount of time I was able to work through my grouchiness, depression and misery (over my trivial kitchen project) and become inspired once again.
He was pretty beat up and had yet another story of being stomped on by life, in addition to being fired, from his most recent job. I listened, from my freshly earned good place, and as he spoke to me he wiped countless tears from his face. When we were midway through our session I said this to him: "Friend (in lieu of his name) I want to tell you a story about God and how God loves us so much and cares about what we care about. He cares about my kitchen and if He cares about my kitchen I can tell you that He cares about your future."
I told him the story about what was happening to me when he contacted me and all that transpired between then and the time of our appointment. About how the $3,500 quote was wrong and that it was actually $2,100 for the counter tops and that after speaking with the carpenter it was currently down to $1500 and now included the back splashes that I wanted. He raised his eyebrows at this and at me when I told him that God cares about my dreams, all the details of those dreams and He cares about my feelings. This is not to say that God is at our beck and call to deliver up said dreams but His caring for us, His children, is so complete that He cares about what we are interested in.
He opened up about His faith that has been lost after being rejected by his priest recently over needed assistance. I shared with Him that we are God's children and have a direct line of communication with Him that was restored when Jesus died on the cross. The more we talked the more my Friend's hope and faith were restored. We spoke about the power of God. We talked about things always seem the darkest right before the dawn. I encouraged him to hang on because I believe that help is coming. He asked me to pray for him and stated that he could feel the Holy Spirit. I promised him that I would pray for him.
Would you say a little prayer for him? You can just tell God it is Susan's friend because He knows who you are referring to.
Thank you for all the support, prayers and encouragement that I received during my time of drama and crisis. I want everyone to know that I am human all the way through and behave like one day in and day out. I make mistakes. I say the wrong thing...often and have an entire list of my own personal flaws and defects.
Susan
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Giving Up
I am holding a dream. It is tightly clutched in my hands and cradled against my chest. This dream has been dealt a near fatal blow. Ok, I am being overly dramatic with those opening sentences but then again I feel that way about my dreams. Whether it be something "important" or something less serious like the dream of how I will like my next Coach purse. I feel that intimate about my dreams.
A dream of mine has received a blow. I am contemplating giving up. I feel the edges unraveling around me, my arms feel heavy and I almost hear a whisper to let go. A few tears slide down my cheeks. I feel as though I am standing on a cliff and the wind is whipping around me and I can see nothing as it is pitch black. I question myself and analyze if I am being ridiculous and over the top. My mind tells me to be reasonable.
In the midst of all of this I am contacted by a client. He is in emotional pain. He has been falsely accused of something terrible. He has spent ten months in a military jail without pay and continues to receive none while he waits for his reinstatement or retirement from military service. He is the custodial parent of three children. He has recently found a job and learned today that he lost it. He has lost his car and is in peril of losing his home. He is awaiting the news of his appeal in a higher court on the false charges but they take their time in D.C. and he will have to wait months more. He didn't take their deal. He stood on principal and didn't care what it might cost him. He is barely hanging on now. He needs me.
I am having one of those moments where though I just want to lay helpless on the floor in a depressed heap my spirit rises in me like a lioness. I see myself in the scene where Frodo has fallen over the edge of the ravine and Sam grabs him from the movie Return of the King (Lord of the Rings). I am Sam, of course, and he is Frodo. A strength rises up in me and I believe that there is something greater, something worth fighting for, and I believe I must save him because this situation is only temporary.
There is a belief inside me that says you never give up. You never give up. The very core of my being believes that it is darkest right before the dawn and that things look really, really bad right as you are about to receive breakthrough. A moment ago, I was ready to give up. Ready to give in. Now I see that I cannot. If I must assist him and his dreams that I cannot let go of my own. Even if they would seem trivial.
I have no idea what will happen. I don't know if I will have to modify or scale back on my dream. I don't see how the realization of it in it's current form is possible. I will see him on Wednesday. He will need me to be strong and he will need me to inspire him to keep going. I will have to find all of this within myself first before I can help him. It is a daunting task. My reality is squaring off with my belief system. It will be interesting to see who will reign victorious.
Obviously I have been watching too many movies. I will have to keep you posted on this one. I would love to hear your comments on giving up. It will help me as I prepare to face him and as I face my own struggle.
A dream of mine has received a blow. I am contemplating giving up. I feel the edges unraveling around me, my arms feel heavy and I almost hear a whisper to let go. A few tears slide down my cheeks. I feel as though I am standing on a cliff and the wind is whipping around me and I can see nothing as it is pitch black. I question myself and analyze if I am being ridiculous and over the top. My mind tells me to be reasonable.
In the midst of all of this I am contacted by a client. He is in emotional pain. He has been falsely accused of something terrible. He has spent ten months in a military jail without pay and continues to receive none while he waits for his reinstatement or retirement from military service. He is the custodial parent of three children. He has recently found a job and learned today that he lost it. He has lost his car and is in peril of losing his home. He is awaiting the news of his appeal in a higher court on the false charges but they take their time in D.C. and he will have to wait months more. He didn't take their deal. He stood on principal and didn't care what it might cost him. He is barely hanging on now. He needs me.
I am having one of those moments where though I just want to lay helpless on the floor in a depressed heap my spirit rises in me like a lioness. I see myself in the scene where Frodo has fallen over the edge of the ravine and Sam grabs him from the movie Return of the King (Lord of the Rings). I am Sam, of course, and he is Frodo. A strength rises up in me and I believe that there is something greater, something worth fighting for, and I believe I must save him because this situation is only temporary.
There is a belief inside me that says you never give up. You never give up. The very core of my being believes that it is darkest right before the dawn and that things look really, really bad right as you are about to receive breakthrough. A moment ago, I was ready to give up. Ready to give in. Now I see that I cannot. If I must assist him and his dreams that I cannot let go of my own. Even if they would seem trivial.
I have no idea what will happen. I don't know if I will have to modify or scale back on my dream. I don't see how the realization of it in it's current form is possible. I will see him on Wednesday. He will need me to be strong and he will need me to inspire him to keep going. I will have to find all of this within myself first before I can help him. It is a daunting task. My reality is squaring off with my belief system. It will be interesting to see who will reign victorious.
Obviously I have been watching too many movies. I will have to keep you posted on this one. I would love to hear your comments on giving up. It will help me as I prepare to face him and as I face my own struggle.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Remodel Update
While I was in Maine my husband worked night and day to begin making my dreams a reality. He painted and installed our hardwood floors. We chose a natural bamboo color which brightened up our living room fantastically and looks incredible. It was a labor of love and he worked hard to accomplish it.
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| Before -Tan with puppets "Orange" and "Purple" |
If you are wondering about the lack of furniture I can tell you that I sold everything on Craigslist so that he would not have to put it in storage or move it while trying to tackle this job of installation on his own. We added a new buttery beige wall color and the 
bamboo hardwood floors that were pre-finished in a natural finish.I do not know how many of you have remodeled with your husbands but it is not a peace and harmony inducing experience. Especially with a couple of independent, stubborn, knuckleheads like ourselves. We were attracted to the fierce independent nature we found in each other but have discovered at times it doesn't exactly produce the best results. Especially when we have opposing ideas about how we would like things to look or how to have things arranged. Alas, that is a story best reserved for it's own blog and I will have to tell it another day.
We are just completing the planning and design stages for the kitchen. I can hardly contain my excitement over this portion of the project. I think it will be gorgeous. There will be a lot of details and help needed from a variety of people but I think the end results will be magnificent. We have design drawings of the cabinets and they are so beautiful I am considering have them framed and hanging them so I can see them all the time.See for yourself!!
Dreaming Big
When you dream what do you dream about? When you are sitting and waiting and have time to muse what do you think about. Some people call it day dreaming, this thing you do when you spend some time visualizing your wishes. It is the very content of your goal poster that you craft with magazine cutouts and descriptive words.
I know what I dream about. I dream about big houses mostly. I like to dream as if there were no limitations. It is better that way because the scope of our imagination is so limited. It is the reason when we pray that we say, "Thy will be done" because all that God would dream for us is better than what we would have for ourselves.
My favorite house design, oh yes there are many, is a huge two story home that is set like a rectangle except that in the inside there is a garden. There are many entrances to the center garden from the ground level and many patios overlooking the garden on the second level. I am sure that this home would be large and rather inconvenient but the garden would be fabulous. I would have every color of rose, lilacs and every type of berry growing there. It would be a safe place for my children to play as it would be shielded on every side by the home that they live in.
I did say children because in my dreams I raise a son and a daughter. We would play there in the garden and it would be wonderful. My home would include many guest rooms being as large as it is and they would always be full. All of the people that I love would come often to visit us and it would be so much fun. We would eat at tables adorned with fresh flowers as my garden is so plentiful.
In my dreams, I see a home filled with the items from my life that I love. Relics from my childhood, prized possessions gathered while traveling and family heirlooms passed down from generations. I see a home filled with the people that I love. I see my husband happy, attentive and hopelessly romantic while together we raise our two rascals and have a lot of fun doing it.
Since this is my dream I want you to know that I have fabulous long hair that flows and catches the sun. Though I am turning 40 soon, no one in my dreams, would ever guess that number. My cheeks would be radiant and pink from the play and the sun and the enjoyment of my life and health. While I am at it my figure would be svelte and I could eat without thought of my hips. Even my play clothes would be stylish and I would be known for both my looks and my charming personality.
When I review my dreams I know that I may never own a home like this one. I may never own a home. However, there are elements of my dreams that can be possible now. I can have a home filled with love. I can invite others, whom I love, to spend time with me there. I can make the home that I live in a beautiful, eye appealing place. I can keep a supply of fresh flowers and berries in my home even if I am unable to grow them myself.
Things are so uncertain now. I do not know what I will be able to have and what I will not. I believe that dreams are worth fighting for. I have no intention of giving up on my dreams. Any of them. There is nothing sweeter in this life than the realization of a dream.
It is like the day my son was born, confirming that I would be a mother. It was a dream com
e true and I was so grateful for him and to him the day he was born.
I know what I dream about. I dream about big houses mostly. I like to dream as if there were no limitations. It is better that way because the scope of our imagination is so limited. It is the reason when we pray that we say, "Thy will be done" because all that God would dream for us is better than what we would have for ourselves.
I did say children because in my dreams I raise a son and a daughter. We would play there in the garden and it would be wonderful. My home would include many guest rooms being as large as it is and they would always be full. All of the people that I love would come often to visit us and it would be so much fun. We would eat at tables adorned with fresh flowers as my garden is so plentiful.
In my dreams, I see a home filled with the items from my life that I love. Relics from my childhood, prized possessions gathered while traveling and family heirlooms passed down from generations. I see a home filled with the people that I love. I see my husband happy, attentive and hopelessly romantic while together we raise our two rascals and have a lot of fun doing it.
Since this is my dream I want you to know that I have fabulous long hair that flows and catches the sun. Though I am turning 40 soon, no one in my dreams, would ever guess that number. My cheeks would be radiant and pink from the play and the sun and the enjoyment of my life and health. While I am at it my figure would be svelte and I could eat without thought of my hips. Even my play clothes would be stylish and I would be known for both my looks and my charming personality.
Things are so uncertain now. I do not know what I will be able to have and what I will not. I believe that dreams are worth fighting for. I have no intention of giving up on my dreams. Any of them. There is nothing sweeter in this life than the realization of a dream.
It is like the day my son was born, confirming that I would be a mother. It was a dream com
e true and I was so grateful for him and to him the day he was born.We had a home birth. When he arrived we sat there and admired him. Not being in a hospital setting, I was able to rest and snuggle and spend the first few hours with him quietly. One of my lifelong dreams had been granted. Nothing feels better than this. Because that is true, regardless of what lies ahead, I plan to dream big impossible dreams and find little ways to make them true.
I will continue to pray that God's will be done as I bring to him the desires of my heart and He listens and He cares. He has a plan for my life and I do not know all of what it is but I know that it will be beautiful. It may be so big that it escapes the reach of my imagination. Until more of it is revealed to me I will be left to my own day dreams. There is a lot that I want to do.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Small ER visit
I was running a temperature yesterday and feeling very run down. In my condition, a temperature could be dangerous so I was asked to go to the Emergency Room. After hanging out with them for a few hours and having blood drawn I was released to go home without even antibiotics.
I know that everyone was worried but my blood work did not show any anemia or problems that were serious. I was accompanied by my father and then went to his house and put to bed.
Thank you everyone for praying for me. I think your vigilance paid off. I would not want to hang out there for another week. I would much prefer working with my clients and making progress on my remodel project.
I know that everyone was worried but my blood work did not show any anemia or problems that were serious. I was accompanied by my father and then went to his house and put to bed.
Thank you everyone for praying for me. I think your vigilance paid off. I would not want to hang out there for another week. I would much prefer working with my clients and making progress on my remodel project.
MRI OF THE RIGHT AND LEFT HIP AND PELVIS 9/16/10
There is diffuse heterogeneous increased T2 and intermediate decreased T1 bone marrow signal. Considering the history of breast cancer, this is consistent with diffuse infiltration of metastatic bone marrow disease. There is no cortical defect. The different diagnosis includes advanced osteopenia versus osteoporosis; however, clinical correlation is advised.
The right and left hip joints are normal. There is no evidence of osteoarthritis or joint effusion. There are small geographic-shaped areas of heterogeneous decreased T1/T2 signal involving the subchondral bones of the femoral heads consistent with avascular necrosis/bone infarct, without evidence of collapse or fracture. The subcutaneous and deep soft tissues are normal, without evidence of muscle strain or tear. There is no evidence of bursitis.
PELVIS:
Small foci of subchondral avascular necrosis involving the hips, without associated subchondral fracture or collapse of the heads of the femurs.
The right and left hip joints are normal. There is no evidence of osteoarthritis or joint effusion. There are small geographic-shaped areas of heterogeneous decreased T1/T2 signal involving the subchondral bones of the femoral heads consistent with avascular necrosis/bone infarct, without evidence of collapse or fracture. The subcutaneous and deep soft tissues are normal, without evidence of muscle strain or tear. There is no evidence of bursitis.
PELVIS:
Small foci of subchondral avascular necrosis involving the hips, without associated subchondral fracture or collapse of the heads of the femurs.
An Email from a Doting Father
10pm MST
"Susan fed, pampered, asleep in our bed. Love you. She is tired, temp is normal, no antibiotics needed...."
Even so, we cry out for her to be physically healed. "Father God, we implore that it would please you to heal Susan of this cancer that has afflicted her. We ask that you would move in her body as the Great Physician and in your miraculous way cast the cancer aside".
"Susan fed, pampered, asleep in our bed. Love you. She is tired, temp is normal, no antibiotics needed...."
This was after Paul spent his evening sitting in the ER with Susan, entertaining her with stories, sharing perspectives, and answering my scores of phone calls. If love could totally cure in the way we want it to, she'd be walking in the Race for the Cure this year too.
There is much comfort in the knowledge that God is in control, loved first and best, and is our heavenly Father. John 3:16 tells us that "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". Have you ever injected a name there? God so loved Susan that He gave.......... Our travail in this earthly life does not begin to compare to the riches of an eternity in paradise without pain or suffering, or time, or crime, or bills. Romans 8:18 says it like this "our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us". 2 Cor 4:7-18 has a wonderful perspective on present suffering and eternity too. Check it out.
Even so, we cry out for her to be physically healed. "Father God, we implore that it would please you to heal Susan of this cancer that has afflicted her. We ask that you would move in her body as the Great Physician and in your miraculous way cast the cancer aside". Even so, we cry real tears. But we are comforted by the assurance of the love of our heavenly Father, and able to rest in the ministering of an earthly father who would move heaven and earth, were it possible, for his little girl. "Fed, pampered, and asleep in our bed", in other words, "protected, comforted, and safe". Dad is on duty.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Home Again...Home Again
Truth be told, traveling this time around was very hard on me. It took me a few days to recover upon arrival in beautiful Maine and some time, though less, upon return. With fatigue comes increased pain and it landed me flat on my back coming and going.
As I was lying on my back I began noticing the extreme pain that I was in. My hip hurt. I then noticed the burning sensation that moved down my leg. I felt emotionally stressed as my husband and I have not exactly been getting along over the last few weeks. I thought about this. I reviewed the comments that had been flung back and forth between us. I rehearsed a few choice words that I wanted to say to him. I felt grumpy and sorry for myself and rather exhausted.
I took my time stewing in my juices and feeling rather unhappy. When it finally reached its crescendo I realized that I had completely missed the fork in the road and had chosen a rather unpleasant road. You saw the fork in the road, didn't you? It has been awhile since I had chosen the miserable road and I had to kick myself because I thought I had learned my lesson on that.
The fork in the road lay there in front of me when I was on my back and then began "my noticing." I didn't notice the beautiful day. I didn't notice how pleasant and cool the temperature was. I began noticing my pain, emotional and physical, and kept on trucking from there. Being additionally tired and physically drained left me more vulnerable to this road of misery. Once on the road it was easy to notice all sorts of things that went along with the journey down this path.
Once feeling completely miserable, tired and upset I lingered on this path and wasted a couple of days on this venture. As I slowly came to my senses I pondered how long it had been since I had felt so much despair, so much pain and so completely devastated. I am pretty good at making better choices and better at spotting these forks and far better at choosing the positive road over the road of misery.
You probably think I am being too hard on myself. After all, I do have cancer, I am in legitimate pain and stress can take a bigger toll on me, right now, than your average person. You might think that but then you would be wrong. If I had spent my time on the positive road I could have been "noticing" positive things and pleasant things. This would have put me in a positive state of mind and my suffering would have been greatly decreased.
Upon realizing my error, I was able to back track and begin making forward progress once again. I worked on "noticing" how good it feels to sleep in my own bed especially when completely worn out from traveling. I rejoiced at the long day of travel being over and being able to rest. I began to give thanks for my husband and all the assistance he provides in my care and with the baby.
The further along this road I got the better I felt. The more I moved and rested the better my body felt. As I noticed that I could still drive and work and how much I enjoyed both, the better I continued to feel. This positive road, otherwise known as the road to recovery, has a beautiful scenic quality to it. It is a much easier road to travel. It is not always well marked so you have to watch for it. If you realize you have taken the wrong road quickly self-correct your course. Be especially wary when you are over tired or physically unwell because it puts you at risk of a missed turn.
As I was lying on my back I began noticing the extreme pain that I was in. My hip hurt. I then noticed the burning sensation that moved down my leg. I felt emotionally stressed as my husband and I have not exactly been getting along over the last few weeks. I thought about this. I reviewed the comments that had been flung back and forth between us. I rehearsed a few choice words that I wanted to say to him. I felt grumpy and sorry for myself and rather exhausted.
I took my time stewing in my juices and feeling rather unhappy. When it finally reached its crescendo I realized that I had completely missed the fork in the road and had chosen a rather unpleasant road. You saw the fork in the road, didn't you? It has been awhile since I had chosen the miserable road and I had to kick myself because I thought I had learned my lesson on that.
The fork in the road lay there in front of me when I was on my back and then began "my noticing." I didn't notice the beautiful day. I didn't notice how pleasant and cool the temperature was. I began noticing my pain, emotional and physical, and kept on trucking from there. Being additionally tired and physically drained left me more vulnerable to this road of misery. Once on the road it was easy to notice all sorts of things that went along with the journey down this path.
Once feeling completely miserable, tired and upset I lingered on this path and wasted a couple of days on this venture. As I slowly came to my senses I pondered how long it had been since I had felt so much despair, so much pain and so completely devastated. I am pretty good at making better choices and better at spotting these forks and far better at choosing the positive road over the road of misery.
You probably think I am being too hard on myself. After all, I do have cancer, I am in legitimate pain and stress can take a bigger toll on me, right now, than your average person. You might think that but then you would be wrong. If I had spent my time on the positive road I could have been "noticing" positive things and pleasant things. This would have put me in a positive state of mind and my suffering would have been greatly decreased.
Upon realizing my error, I was able to back track and begin making forward progress once again. I worked on "noticing" how good it feels to sleep in my own bed especially when completely worn out from traveling. I rejoiced at the long day of travel being over and being able to rest. I began to give thanks for my husband and all the assistance he provides in my care and with the baby.
The further along this road I got the better I felt. The more I moved and rested the better my body felt. As I noticed that I could still drive and work and how much I enjoyed both, the better I continued to feel. This positive road, otherwise known as the road to recovery, has a beautiful scenic quality to it. It is a much easier road to travel. It is not always well marked so you have to watch for it. If you realize you have taken the wrong road quickly self-correct your course. Be especially wary when you are over tired or physically unwell because it puts you at risk of a missed turn.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Family Photo 9/26/10
3rd row: Tom Audet, Noah Audet, Scott Comeau, Matt & Jen Meader, Andy Audet, Spencer DeWitt, Alex DeWitt, John & Sarah DeWitt, Becky Comeau
2nd row: Tracey McAllian, Tan Nguyen, Susan Comeau-Nguyen, Amanda Meader, Paul & Lucille Audet, Eve Foley
Front row: Elijah Audet, Adam DeWitt
Milestones and Touchstones
Reading Susan's blog about Diane Greenlaw and her home has set me to musing. Diane has been a treasured friend of mine and our family for about 15 years now. There are enough stories there to write 20 blogs. Diane is the sort of person who always makes a house a home, as Susan said. She is the kind who not only have seasonal decorations, she can actually find them year after year and get them out on time. She has attempted to assist me from time-to-time, but I find the Halloween decorations at Thanksgiving and locate the Easter ones around the 4th of July. They are just a total waste with me and I have given up. I do know WHERE the Christmas decorations are, especially the manger set that Paul and I bought in 1970 at W.T Grants. But knowing where it is and actually getting it out are two different things and I usually fall down on the latter.
But as I write this, I am sitting in my Surry kitchen on one of the chairs that Mom and Dad gave me last year when they downsized. It is a rattan chair that Aunt Yvonne gave them when they got married in 1948. They they went ahead and bought another one and a matching table which was a sizeable investment for newlyweds who sold their car to buy a home for $3000. We had the chairs reupholstered this winter and they are now part of our kitchen decor. They sit a little low, I suppose furniture design has changed a little (or people had shorter legs then) but I am very proud of them and happy to have them. The chairs were first part of my mother's beauty shop that she opened in 1949 and then moved to the family room at 37 Military Avenue in Fairfield and stayed there for 50 years. They are there amidst the family Christmas tree photos all those years. Our grandson easily climbs up on them, he's proud of himself for accomplishing such a feat, I'm proud of the fact that he's included in generations of family history and heritage.
The Bible talks about such things as these. In Joshua 4, the people were instructed by the Lord to take 12 stones and place them as markers and symbols of what God did for them. God's exact words were "when your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them.........". Milestones and touchstones are symbols of where we came from, what matters, and what we stand for. They give us direction much like a road sign does, milestones look forward and backward, markers along the journey to keep us going. The touchstones themselves don't necessarily have alot of value. A pile of stones isn't worth much, but oh, the significance of what they mean is priceless.
Being here in Surry, amidst the material treasures of my life that live here, it seems good to reflect on these milestones and touchstones. When my children ask in 'time to come', "what do these chairs mean to you'?, my answer is ready.
These chairs mean the continuity of a family steeped in love and rich in heritage. They reflect a people who have respect for the things of life and the life of things. I think this is an important value in a society that often values what is new, best, and up-to-date where the clothes of last year are too outdated to wear today and when the computer you bought last week is already obsolete.
To me, the objects that sustained generations of family are real and tangible touchstones of our lives together. My grandfather who died before I was born sat on these chairs, as did other beloved aunts and uncles. These chairs witnessed countless birthday parties, wedding and baby showers, and family get-togethers. These chairs say to me "you come from good stock", and "continue to teach your children well". To be able to say that we treasure family, heritage, values, tradition, and each other is vitally important. I don't worship these chairs, but I hold them up as touchstones and use them to measure the milestones of life. I pray that this can be part of the heritage of living well that is passed along to Tan Nguyen and the others that follow in our footsteps.
But as I write this, I am sitting in my Surry kitchen on one of the chairs that Mom and Dad gave me last year when they downsized. It is a rattan chair that Aunt Yvonne gave them when they got married in 1948. They they went ahead and bought another one and a matching table which was a sizeable investment for newlyweds who sold their car to buy a home for $3000. We had the chairs reupholstered this winter and they are now part of our kitchen decor. They sit a little low, I suppose furniture design has changed a little (or people had shorter legs then) but I am very proud of them and happy to have them. The chairs were first part of my mother's beauty shop that she opened in 1949 and then moved to the family room at 37 Military Avenue in Fairfield and stayed there for 50 years. They are there amidst the family Christmas tree photos all those years. Our grandson easily climbs up on them, he's proud of himself for accomplishing such a feat, I'm proud of the fact that he's included in generations of family history and heritage.
The Bible talks about such things as these. In Joshua 4, the people were instructed by the Lord to take 12 stones and place them as markers and symbols of what God did for them. God's exact words were "when your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them.........". Milestones and touchstones are symbols of where we came from, what matters, and what we stand for. They give us direction much like a road sign does, milestones look forward and backward, markers along the journey to keep us going. The touchstones themselves don't necessarily have alot of value. A pile of stones isn't worth much, but oh, the significance of what they mean is priceless.
Being here in Surry, amidst the material treasures of my life that live here, it seems good to reflect on these milestones and touchstones. When my children ask in 'time to come', "what do these chairs mean to you'?, my answer is ready.
These chairs mean the continuity of a family steeped in love and rich in heritage. They reflect a people who have respect for the things of life and the life of things. I think this is an important value in a society that often values what is new, best, and up-to-date where the clothes of last year are too outdated to wear today and when the computer you bought last week is already obsolete.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Being Silly
When was the last time that you were completely silly. Do you remember the last time that you laughed so hard that you thought for a split second that you might lose your life? Have you ever been completely swept away by a fierce attack of the sillies?
One thing that I think I have done completely well, when it comes to motherhood, is to impart in my son a strong sense of fun. We love to be silly together and we both laugh until rendered defenseless by giggles. It can start with a wide-eyed look from me and he will bust into a grin. Then I will say something, anything in a silly tone of voice, and we are off to the races.
We live in such a serious world. You do not have to look far to find sadness. Some people watch the news every night and in doing so are exposed to a dose of scary, terrible things happening in our world. I cannot watch the news. I find it so upsetting. I believe it is important to be aware but not completely plugged in. If you are a news watcher try a few nights in a row without it and see if you notice a change.
In my earlier days I was a little too serious. Thank goodness I had a friend that I could be silly with. My oldest and dearest friend Roxanne. We can spend an evening together and just roll in laughter. She has some mighty good stories. Even better than mine. She will tell a few and we will laugh until we cant breathe and then recover and then we will repeat. It feels so good to laugh your guts out.
If you are reading this post and you have no idea what I am talking about then we need to get started on you right away. You might need to borrow a young child to assist you because probably no adult in your life will be able to help. Try going to http://www.youtube.com/ and typing in The Muppet Show, Mahna Mahna and the Snowths. Watch and learn. If you don't find this silly, funny and appealing it will be an indicator of how far into serious land you have ventured.
One thing that I think I have done completely well, when it comes to motherhood, is to impart in my son a strong sense of fun. We love to be silly together and we both laugh until rendered defenseless by giggles. It can start with a wide-eyed look from me and he will bust into a grin. Then I will say something, anything in a silly tone of voice, and we are off to the races.
We live in such a serious world. You do not have to look far to find sadness. Some people watch the news every night and in doing so are exposed to a dose of scary, terrible things happening in our world. I cannot watch the news. I find it so upsetting. I believe it is important to be aware but not completely plugged in. If you are a news watcher try a few nights in a row without it and see if you notice a change.
In my earlier days I was a little too serious. Thank goodness I had a friend that I could be silly with. My oldest and dearest friend Roxanne. We can spend an evening together and just roll in laughter. She has some mighty good stories. Even better than mine. She will tell a few and we will laugh until we cant breathe and then recover and then we will repeat. It feels so good to laugh your guts out.
If you are reading this post and you have no idea what I am talking about then we need to get started on you right away. You might need to borrow a young child to assist you because probably no adult in your life will be able to help. Try going to http://www.youtube.com/ and typing in The Muppet Show, Mahna Mahna and the Snowths. Watch and learn. If you don't find this silly, funny and appealing it will be an indicator of how far into serious land you have ventured.
This is a little video of me and my son being silly. We seem to hit upon a word that to him is funny. We call it the "word of the day." In this video the word is Blech! He finds it hilarious. I hope it gives you an attack of the sillies.
You may need to hit pause on the music player in order to be able to hear him laughing.
You may need to hit pause on the music player in order to be able to hear him laughing.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Giving and Receiving
Are you better at giving or receiving? Are you a cheerful receiver or just a cheerful giver? I have found in my life that this little theme rears it head from time to time and I have to work on myself. I like being the giver and I thought I was a decent receiver until all this cancer stuff came around and I am being challenged.
This weekend we went to a huge family get together and I could not wait to see my cousin Matthew and his wife so that I could give them a present. Mind you, I had already ordered things and had it mailed to them but I was extremely anxious to see them open the gift that my neighbor Marge had sewn for them. I could hardly contain myself and after they arrived and greeted half of the family my patience wore out and I had Jenn open the gift.
She seemed to be pleased with the gift which pleased me all the more. There is nothing more satisfying than giving a really marvelous gift. Fortunately for me, my cousin Matthew's wife is an excellent receiver or she would have sucked all the joy out of my gift giving. It can be frustrating to be in a position of wanting to give and have the other person roll their eyes, protest and to tell you why they do not deserve your gift.
I heard someone say once that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. There has to be a receiver in order for someone to give. You cannot have one without the other. There is a joyful aspect of giving and there can be one in receiving also if done correctly. I find, in myself, that sometimes I am a terrible receiver. I have gotten better with compliments and gifts on my birthday but at times my capacity to receive is stretched. There are times currently that I am unable to give to myself. I need help. I don't like having to rely on those around me for help.
My dear parents have been providing that help and giving in an amazing unceasing manner. They are loving and strong and determined to bring me through this. I am feeling frustrated that my strength and my ability to take care of myself and my son is diminishing. My spirit's feelings are hurt over this. I want to jump up and help back. I want to get my mother breakfast instead of the other way around. I want to reward them for their kindness. I want a chance to give because, and I feel pouty here, I am tired of receiving.
If you turn to the passage in Acts 20:35 and you read the verses that come before the "it is better to give than receive" in the Bible, you will see that Jesus is not dissing on receiving. I always thought that He was and this encouraged my unhealthy preference for the giving side. One commentary on this chapter said this: His parting words, taken from a quote of Jesus’ unrecorded in the gospels, are perfect for all who would minister to God’s people: It is more blessed to give than to receive. Ministers must be more concerned about what they can give their flock than concerned about what their flock can give them.
It is an ecouragment to give to those who are in need without thought of what you are going to get back. It is an admonishment to those who are greatly blessed to find those who are not and assist them. It does not say do not be in the position of being a receiver because that is bad.
I am working through the uncomfortable feelings associated with being in need and being in a position of having to receive. I need help from my husband, my dad, my mom, my siblings, my friends, and occasionally even my clients. I have always been so strong and so independent. It truly is hard for me to be in this position and we are going on a year now. In order for me to have a victory over my current circumstance I must open my heart and receive the love, the giving and the assistance of others. I cannot survive this alone.
This is a personal struggle that I no doubt share with others. I am working on being a cheerful receiver and learning to be satisfied with the paltry smiles and gratitude I am able to offer in return for things I deem to be deserving of so much more. Feel free to be confrontational with me when I am not doing so well. It is part of my spiritual growth. I prefer to learn the lessons quickly and get up to speed hastily as these are lessons that I do not want to repeat or have them drag on.
To my mother and father, who get me endless glasses of water so that I don't have to get up and can conserve my energy, I thank you. To my dad, who takes the baby at night so that I have my best chance to sleep and restore, I am indebted to you. To my sister and brother, who have had to do more cleaning, preparing and getting things ready for me, I thank you and I appreciate you. To my husband, who has had to become both provider and homemaker, I want you to know that I appreciate you and I am lucky to have you. You have the double duty of keeping our house clean and caring for a rambunctious child and sick wife. I want to jump up and have it all done for you so that you can rest or get away but I do not have the strength. Thanking you seems so incomplete and so lackluster. I feel angry and a little sad in my desire to make things more in balance. I am having a moment where I am gritting my teeth. I do not like this.
I am a work in progress. In this blog post I have soap boxed, complained and tried to be honest about where I am. Maybe you could help me figure all this out. I welcome suggestions and advice regarding my spiritual growth issues. I really want to be a better person. Clearly I need to work on being a better receiver. Please email me at suzi890801@msn.com or comment on the blog. I hate to admit it but I could use your help.
This weekend we went to a huge family get together and I could not wait to see my cousin Matthew and his wife so that I could give them a present. Mind you, I had already ordered things and had it mailed to them but I was extremely anxious to see them open the gift that my neighbor Marge had sewn for them. I could hardly contain myself and after they arrived and greeted half of the family my patience wore out and I had Jenn open the gift.
She seemed to be pleased with the gift which pleased me all the more. There is nothing more satisfying than giving a really marvelous gift. Fortunately for me, my cousin Matthew's wife is an excellent receiver or she would have sucked all the joy out of my gift giving. It can be frustrating to be in a position of wanting to give and have the other person roll their eyes, protest and to tell you why they do not deserve your gift.
I heard someone say once that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. There has to be a receiver in order for someone to give. You cannot have one without the other. There is a joyful aspect of giving and there can be one in receiving also if done correctly. I find, in myself, that sometimes I am a terrible receiver. I have gotten better with compliments and gifts on my birthday but at times my capacity to receive is stretched. There are times currently that I am unable to give to myself. I need help. I don't like having to rely on those around me for help.
My dear parents have been providing that help and giving in an amazing unceasing manner. They are loving and strong and determined to bring me through this. I am feeling frustrated that my strength and my ability to take care of myself and my son is diminishing. My spirit's feelings are hurt over this. I want to jump up and help back. I want to get my mother breakfast instead of the other way around. I want to reward them for their kindness. I want a chance to give because, and I feel pouty here, I am tired of receiving.
If you turn to the passage in Acts 20:35 and you read the verses that come before the "it is better to give than receive" in the Bible, you will see that Jesus is not dissing on receiving. I always thought that He was and this encouraged my unhealthy preference for the giving side. One commentary on this chapter said this: His parting words, taken from a quote of Jesus’ unrecorded in the gospels, are perfect for all who would minister to God’s people: It is more blessed to give than to receive. Ministers must be more concerned about what they can give their flock than concerned about what their flock can give them.
It is an ecouragment to give to those who are in need without thought of what you are going to get back. It is an admonishment to those who are greatly blessed to find those who are not and assist them. It does not say do not be in the position of being a receiver because that is bad.
I am working through the uncomfortable feelings associated with being in need and being in a position of having to receive. I need help from my husband, my dad, my mom, my siblings, my friends, and occasionally even my clients. I have always been so strong and so independent. It truly is hard for me to be in this position and we are going on a year now. In order for me to have a victory over my current circumstance I must open my heart and receive the love, the giving and the assistance of others. I cannot survive this alone.
This is a personal struggle that I no doubt share with others. I am working on being a cheerful receiver and learning to be satisfied with the paltry smiles and gratitude I am able to offer in return for things I deem to be deserving of so much more. Feel free to be confrontational with me when I am not doing so well. It is part of my spiritual growth. I prefer to learn the lessons quickly and get up to speed hastily as these are lessons that I do not want to repeat or have them drag on.
To my mother and father, who get me endless glasses of water so that I don't have to get up and can conserve my energy, I thank you. To my dad, who takes the baby at night so that I have my best chance to sleep and restore, I am indebted to you. To my sister and brother, who have had to do more cleaning, preparing and getting things ready for me, I thank you and I appreciate you. To my husband, who has had to become both provider and homemaker, I want you to know that I appreciate you and I am lucky to have you. You have the double duty of keeping our house clean and caring for a rambunctious child and sick wife. I want to jump up and have it all done for you so that you can rest or get away but I do not have the strength. Thanking you seems so incomplete and so lackluster. I feel angry and a little sad in my desire to make things more in balance. I am having a moment where I am gritting my teeth. I do not like this.
I am a work in progress. In this blog post I have soap boxed, complained and tried to be honest about where I am. Maybe you could help me figure all this out. I welcome suggestions and advice regarding my spiritual growth issues. I really want to be a better person. Clearly I need to work on being a better receiver. Please email me at suzi890801@msn.com or comment on the blog. I hate to admit it but I could use your help.
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Lobsterman Who Stole My Heart
Danner is a man who has walked through some trials and tribulations and yet is filled with love, humor and a desire to live his life with gusto. He is not shy to tell the story of the loss of his son and how he has fought his way back to a life lived in joy. He seeks out opportunities to brighten someone's day. He is a man who smiles widely, loves his family freely, spends his time productively and manages to be an excellent role model on top of all of that.
We hauled 45 traps today. His wife was the sternman, he did the hauling and banding while me, Mom and my sister Tracey did the cheering. It was fun. We went late, for my benefit, at 8 am and it rained a bit and was cold but we were cozy behind the glass in the captain's area. We snacked on blueberry muffins that he cooked up for us fresh this morning made with blueberries from their fields.
I loved his unique way that he pays it forward. I admire how he and his wife have faced hardship and how they choose to craft their life today. They are an amazing couple. I hope that this post inspires you to have some fun, to try something new and to be thinking of little ways you can choose to brighten your own day. I hope that in the brightening of your day you will also figure out ways to add cheer to those in your life known and unknown.
I want to thank you Danner and Dewey for a wonderful time. I needed a little adventure. It is easy to see from the pictures that I had a lot of fun. I appreciate the generous way in which you treated me. For the rest of you out there that are reading this blog if you see Danner or Dewey give them a big bear hug for me.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A Pay it Forward Suggestion
I have to confess that I am a very lucky woman. Raising a child is very hard. Since my illness my ability to chase after, play with, and tend to my child is severely compromised. Were it not for my wonderful husband and amazing father I would have slipped into a deep depression. I always dreamt of the day that I would be a mother and I had such high hopes that I could be a wonderful mother. I think I am a good mother but I am forced to leave the heavy lifting to the men in Tan's life.
I often sit in amazement watching my son play. I do what I can to assist my husband with the daily demands that only a toddler can bring. When I fall onto the couch exhausted it hits me. How on earth does a single mother manage? It is unfathomable to me and the thought that many of them have more than one makes me quake in horror.
If you are accepting my challenge to pay it forward and practice random acts of kindness than I encourage you to steer in the direction of a single mother. Consider buying an extra gallon of milk at the store and a pound of butter and drop it off to her. A bag of name brand grocery items that are unexpected would be a welcome treat as she probably buys generic items as she pinches pennies.
Women who are on food stamps have to purchase toilet paper, shampoo, laundry soap, and all other cleaning supplies on their own. These would make nice gifts and help to stretch her budget. I, myself was on food stamps when I was first attending college and working at McDonald's. It was a blessing to me and I was able to improve my nutrition and quality of life as a result.
You will not have to look hard to find a single mother who could use some assistance. Remember that she is not taken care of as well as I am or probably you are. Those children that she has in tow are the future of our great country. You could be the rainbow in their rainy day. I would love to write about you on my blog and tell the story. Consider what you are already good at and work from there. If you have a handy husband bribe him into lending his skills to her home while you sit with her and have a quiet moment. I am looking to fill my honor roll and I have a prize to give out. Plus it just makes this life a little sunnier to the woman who no doubt drops from exhaustion each night bearing this burden alone..
Susan
I often sit in amazement watching my son play. I do what I can to assist my husband with the daily demands that only a toddler can bring. When I fall onto the couch exhausted it hits me. How on earth does a single mother manage? It is unfathomable to me and the thought that many of them have more than one makes me quake in horror.
If you are accepting my challenge to pay it forward and practice random acts of kindness than I encourage you to steer in the direction of a single mother. Consider buying an extra gallon of milk at the store and a pound of butter and drop it off to her. A bag of name brand grocery items that are unexpected would be a welcome treat as she probably buys generic items as she pinches pennies.
Women who are on food stamps have to purchase toilet paper, shampoo, laundry soap, and all other cleaning supplies on their own. These would make nice gifts and help to stretch her budget. I, myself was on food stamps when I was first attending college and working at McDonald's. It was a blessing to me and I was able to improve my nutrition and quality of life as a result.
You will not have to look hard to find a single mother who could use some assistance. Remember that she is not taken care of as well as I am or probably you are. Those children that she has in tow are the future of our great country. You could be the rainbow in their rainy day. I would love to write about you on my blog and tell the story. Consider what you are already good at and work from there. If you have a handy husband bribe him into lending his skills to her home while you sit with her and have a quiet moment. I am looking to fill my honor roll and I have a prize to give out. Plus it just makes this life a little sunnier to the woman who no doubt drops from exhaustion each night bearing this burden alone..
Susan
The Fishnet in Blue Hill, Maine
It has the take out window pictured here but if that is not your style there is a cute little dining room, additional dining out back and a smattering of picnic tables around the property.
It is nestled in a cozy corner of Blue Hill, Maine and since Blue Hill is so small you could not miss it if you tried. When you get close to it my suggestion is to drive defensively as you might notice other automobiles turning suddenly into the parking lot. You would be wise to follow them. I know some of you are curious and it might be cruel but I have provided the menu for you to shop from. When Huy came with me we stopped in here for my lobster and Huy ordered the mussels.
Dad suggested to Huy that he order "steamahs" but he got confused and ordered steamed mussels which he felt were quite tasty.
You would be hard pressed to find something that was not absolutely delightful. Even their homemade desserts are quite nice. My son's first ice cream cone was purchased from the Fishnet. You can tell from the video that my mother took he was quite surprised that she actually let him eat it himself. He did a good job for only being 14 months old at the time. 
Whatever the fare, if it is on the menu, the Fishnet will be a pleasing addition to your New England
trip. Sometimes we joke with ourselves that we plan our vacations by the number of meals rather than the number of days but everyone has to eat, right?
Anyway to the folks at the Fishnet ...thank you for being part of our favorite vacation memories. To the folks planning on taking a Maine trip..tell the good people that Susan sent you. You will not be sorry.
trip. Sometimes we joke with ourselves that we plan our vacations by the number of meals rather than the number of days but everyone has to eat, right?
Anyway to the folks at the Fishnet ...thank you for being part of our favorite vacation memories. To the folks planning on taking a Maine trip..tell the good people that Susan sent you. You will not be sorry.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
How All Homes Should Look - In My Opinion
This picture is taken in the shade so you cannot see the beautiful colors of the flowers in front which create a sort of colorful decolletage. I could add picture after picture of example of other simple and beautiful New England but maybe you should just take a visit to Maine.
If you visit me in Colorado Springs and are familiar with the homes there you immediately notice one thing about this home. No garage affixed to the front of the home. Maybe my beef is with suburbia itself which has to be efficient in its tiny postage stamp lot use but that just seems silly to me. When you drive up on a home you don't want the only architectural appeal to be a two car garage.
I love the homes in Maine but the real reason I love this home may have more to do with the occupant. Fortunately, for me, you cannot make out the lovely lady standing on the porch ready to embrace us. If you could she would probably not appreciate it unless she was wanting to advertize her particialar choice of bathrobes.
The occupant of this home is a woman who knows how to love. She oozes joy and love for life and loved ones out of every pore and attacks life with a zest not often seen. She also knows how to turn an ordinary home into a work of art, keeping in mind that homes should be both beautiful and functional. The first time my husband saw her home, he fell head over heels in love with Diane and I could not blame him. Diane has put in this house what is needed, what fits and what is of good quality. She is an excellent organizer and can put her hands on a bargain in seconds but is equally unafraid to buy the best when that is warranted.
Diane has a real talent for baking and cooking which was most likely derived from having five sons. That is a lot of hungry mouths to feed. She tells stories of how she roasted a turkey every weekend just to keep them fed. I don't know if she gravitated to a personal celebration of thanksgiving every week or an attitude of gratitude just came natural to her. Diane, like all of us has had some hard times and she choose to find joy. Finding joy in life is her personal motto even when it is difficult to find. It is no doubt that attitude that has turned her into the beautiful woman that she is. She probably doesn't know how beautiful she is or how beautiful her home looks or how one feels to be with her.
I hope that someday my home will be as beautiful and appealing to spend time in as hers is. I hope that, like her, I can choose to find joy in my daily circumstances. Here's to you, my dear Diane, it was so nice to visit you and see your lovely home. Keep choosing to live in joy, it makes you radiant and teaches the rest of us how to live too. (You'll be hearing more about Diane and her wonderful husband Skip in a future chapter)
Susan
Sunday, September 19, 2010
First Baptist Church of Blue Hill Maine
The congregation greeted us warmly and I was happy to see them. This little group has been faithfully putting in some overtime on their knees for me. I am grateful to them for that and it was good to see them in person and let them know how much I appreciate all that they are doing for me.
One of the most beautiful aspects of this congregation is that they don't feel like strangers from a distant community. They feel like family, even though some of them, I haven't seen in ten years and others I've never met. It is a nice thing to be spend time with a group that love your family and I could feel that love today as we hugged each other and they prayed for me.
There is really something special about New England, it's churches and how they worship. They follow a familiar pattern filled with tradition. I enjoyed singing the doxology, something that is not a prominent fixture in the churches I attend in Colorado. For those of you not familiar with the doxology here it is.
Praise God from Whom all blessings Flow;
Praise Him all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost
It may surprise you to know that these words were written by Thomas Kent in 1674 and are actually the last words of the Hymn, Awake, My Soul, and with the Sun.
This morning we woke in our home on Patton Pond with the loons paddling back and forth. I drank my coffee sweetened with Sweet Italian Creme coffee creamer by Coffee Mate (delicious - try it) while wearing my pajamas in the place where my soul wears pajamas (see earlier post). Then, later this morning, I sang among friends accompanied by a beautiful pipe organ with the back drop only New England can deliver.
Day One of our vacation: Hugely successful and astoundingly satisfying. Spent with friends and loved ones? Most Definitely.
Susan
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thoughts About Things That Matter
Living alone in Florida these past few months, connecting by phone calls and email, Skype, Facebook, videos, and photos, I do feel as though I've kept in pretty good contact with my beloveds. The only things I've missed are hugs, grins, sloppy kisses (from Tan), dirty diapers, lunches out with Paul, and Chicken Schnitzel with Susan (ok, there's a story there for another time). Let's face it, I've had lots of time for reflection and inventory. Here are some thoughts about things that matter.
1. God. He's real, He cares, He strengthens. He provides peace if we ask him, direction if we seek him, and comfort if we let Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
2. Family. Well, there's a no-brainer it seems. But, not so fast. I hear stories all the time about fractured families, splits, fights, and animosity. We are blessed with a loving and supportive family but that doesn't just happen. Those kinds of families are developed one decision at a time, one pat on the back after another, one resolve to forgive again (70 x 7), one hand reaching out to another again, one willing to give more and not count the cost. Our family reaches back generations to our parents, their parents, extended family, cousins and friends who count us as part of their families too. It is a rich framework of heritage, tradition, recipes, honor, sorrow, and all of the other details that compose a family. A family is like a painting with thousands of brushstrokes of all colors and directions that blend into one picture. You can appreciate its beauty in the macro and enjoy the entire image, or you can inspect the beauty and genius of each individual little swirl of color. A family is also like a tapestry with a beautiful array of threads and colors weaving a gorgeous pattern, yet turn it over and there are also threads and knots necessary to the piece but not so beautiful as the front that you show the world. Those threads give the tapestry strength and support however.
3. Health. Here's a tough one. Susan is facing the fight of her life. She didn't ask for cancer, she doesn't deserve it, and we would like to send it back. Unfortunately, we are live in these human bodies (for now) and they are prone to sickness and disease. So at the risk of sounding like your mother, can I just state a few things for all of us? Don't take your health for granted. If you smoke - stop. Eat healthy foods in the right quantities. Get exercise, enough sleep, use alcohol appropriately. Drive carefully, wear good shoes, manage stress, laugh often, spend time with friends. Love extravagantly.
3. Peace. See #'s 1,2 and 3 above. That's about it.
1. God. He's real, He cares, He strengthens. He provides peace if we ask him, direction if we seek him, and comfort if we let Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
2. Family. Well, there's a no-brainer it seems. But, not so fast. I hear stories all the time about fractured families, splits, fights, and animosity. We are blessed with a loving and supportive family but that doesn't just happen. Those kinds of families are developed one decision at a time, one pat on the back after another, one resolve to forgive again (70 x 7), one hand reaching out to another again, one willing to give more and not count the cost. Our family reaches back generations to our parents, their parents, extended family, cousins and friends who count us as part of their families too. It is a rich framework of heritage, tradition, recipes, honor, sorrow, and all of the other details that compose a family. A family is like a painting with thousands of brushstrokes of all colors and directions that blend into one picture. You can appreciate its beauty in the macro and enjoy the entire image, or you can inspect the beauty and genius of each individual little swirl of color. A family is also like a tapestry with a beautiful array of threads and colors weaving a gorgeous pattern, yet turn it over and there are also threads and knots necessary to the piece but not so beautiful as the front that you show the world. Those threads give the tapestry strength and support however.
3. Health. Here's a tough one. Susan is facing the fight of her life. She didn't ask for cancer, she doesn't deserve it, and we would like to send it back. Unfortunately, we are live in these human bodies (for now) and they are prone to sickness and disease. So at the risk of sounding like your mother, can I just state a few things for all of us? Don't take your health for granted. If you smoke - stop. Eat healthy foods in the right quantities. Get exercise, enough sleep, use alcohol appropriately. Drive carefully, wear good shoes, manage stress, laugh often, spend time with friends. Love extravagantly.
3. Peace. See #'s 1,2 and 3 above. That's about it.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Be Heroic
I love to watch movies. I like the feel good kind. You know, the ones where someone needs help and gets the help. Someone heroic comes along and notices a need and then risks life and limb to provide that help. In the movies that person always rushes in, does exactly the right thing and never hesitates for a moment.
If only being heroic in real life could be so simple. I get to work with soldiers. I have gotten to hear some real life accounts of the men in women in uniform acting in a truly heroic manner. I have listened to them tell stories of close calls, failed attempts and the times when they beat the odds. The largest correlating factor in all those stories is fear. Being heroic never equals acting without fear. I have heard that courage is being scared out of your mind but doing the right thing anyway.
Having cancer has not made me any braver. It has not made me a hero and I certainly cannot say there has been no fear. If anything, cancer has made me more cautious. I am a little more nervous about coming into contact with ill people or wearing myself out too much. I am a little afraid of going back in a wheel chair or being hospitalized again. I think fear always come with the unknown. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to face it after I had already seen my share of scary situations and had already forced myself to keep moving through them. It was good practice.
I am not scared because I have cancer. I have had to look down the barrel of some unpleasant things like bone marrow biopsies, surgery, and needles. I have not wanted to participate in those things but I didn't like the alternative. I have to confess, liking movies as I do, I often hear Patrick Swayze say "pain don't hurt" from one of his movies when facing a situation like that. It is a Hollywood Heroic thing to say that makes absolutely no sense and is from a movie, that wasn't one of his best but I like it. It reminds me that I can take it. Heck ya, I say to myself, I have guts all day, bring it on.
I guess one of the things in this life we can all be assured of is that we will have a chance to be heroic. We will have an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life. Whether it be to parent a child, be-friend someone, or assist a stranger in their time of need someday we will be called on. When the time presents itself to you it will come with a certain degree of fear but don't let that stop you.
Keep these verses in mind because they will help steady you.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Don't let your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful." John 14:27
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mathew 11:28-30
If only being heroic in real life could be so simple. I get to work with soldiers. I have gotten to hear some real life accounts of the men in women in uniform acting in a truly heroic manner. I have listened to them tell stories of close calls, failed attempts and the times when they beat the odds. The largest correlating factor in all those stories is fear. Being heroic never equals acting without fear. I have heard that courage is being scared out of your mind but doing the right thing anyway.
Having cancer has not made me any braver. It has not made me a hero and I certainly cannot say there has been no fear. If anything, cancer has made me more cautious. I am a little more nervous about coming into contact with ill people or wearing myself out too much. I am a little afraid of going back in a wheel chair or being hospitalized again. I think fear always come with the unknown. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to face it after I had already seen my share of scary situations and had already forced myself to keep moving through them. It was good practice.
I am not scared because I have cancer. I have had to look down the barrel of some unpleasant things like bone marrow biopsies, surgery, and needles. I have not wanted to participate in those things but I didn't like the alternative. I have to confess, liking movies as I do, I often hear Patrick Swayze say "pain don't hurt" from one of his movies when facing a situation like that. It is a Hollywood Heroic thing to say that makes absolutely no sense and is from a movie, that wasn't one of his best but I like it. It reminds me that I can take it. Heck ya, I say to myself, I have guts all day, bring it on.
I guess one of the things in this life we can all be assured of is that we will have a chance to be heroic. We will have an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life. Whether it be to parent a child, be-friend someone, or assist a stranger in their time of need someday we will be called on. When the time presents itself to you it will come with a certain degree of fear but don't let that stop you.
Keep these verses in mind because they will help steady you.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, give I to you. Don't let your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful." John 14:27
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mathew 11:28-30
Monday, September 13, 2010
What to do with bad days.
I have bad days now and then. I do. My feelings get hurt, I get discouraged, and some days nothing seems to go right. I do not have a lot of those days but they exist. Some days life just seems to feel like kicking my pants with a foot that doesn't get tired right away.
I am often asked for advice on what to do when a day like this presents itself. I suggest you do what I do when I find myself in this kind of predicament. I cry my eyes out. I grieve what needs to be grieved. I hurt over what I feel hurt about. I mope and drag around as much as I can because I want to get those feelings out. Unfortunately these events never last long enough for me to obtain ice cream and eat it in large quantities. It also does not transpire often enough for me to consider a preemptive strike and have ice cream on hand.
Anyway, back to getting out the feelings. I am not about to let any of those feelings take root, rot or have a chance to fester. Once your house is clean and in order ( all issues have been properly dealt with) than the sad and crying your eyes out phase is a short-lived event.
Once you have cried all your tears you will feel yourself springing back to life. For me, I can never make this last more than a day due to the pre-cleaned house condition, in which, I live. If you find that this is not true for you re-think whether or not there are issues to deal with
Have your cry. Do a real bang up hysterical, shuddering with each sob, job of it and move on. Upon completion, I recommend calling your girlfriends and making plans or putting in your favorite movie. Hang a sign on the refrigerator letting your husband know that the coast is clear. They do not always know how to interpret such an event and may think it is their fault. (In some cases it may be their fault so in these situations skip the sign on the refrigerator step. I am joking...sort of. )
With enough practice you will know what the correct formula is to tidy up and get back out there for you. Be efficient about this process. Why prolong it? Life is too much fun. Life cannot, however, be fun all the time. You are going to have some bad days. Some times we just need the release of crying. Crying when you need to can be very healing and will keep the low key blues away. That is when you feel kinda down but you cannot put your finger on why.
If you are on the upswing and are just getting over having a bad day. Here are some cool verses to help you with the process. I hope that you find them as inspirational as I do.
"For with God nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37
"But he said, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." Luke 18:27
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." Ephesians 3:20
I am often asked for advice on what to do when a day like this presents itself. I suggest you do what I do when I find myself in this kind of predicament. I cry my eyes out. I grieve what needs to be grieved. I hurt over what I feel hurt about. I mope and drag around as much as I can because I want to get those feelings out. Unfortunately these events never last long enough for me to obtain ice cream and eat it in large quantities. It also does not transpire often enough for me to consider a preemptive strike and have ice cream on hand.
Anyway, back to getting out the feelings. I am not about to let any of those feelings take root, rot or have a chance to fester. Once your house is clean and in order ( all issues have been properly dealt with) than the sad and crying your eyes out phase is a short-lived event.
Once you have cried all your tears you will feel yourself springing back to life. For me, I can never make this last more than a day due to the pre-cleaned house condition, in which, I live. If you find that this is not true for you re-think whether or not there are issues to deal with
Have your cry. Do a real bang up hysterical, shuddering with each sob, job of it and move on. Upon completion, I recommend calling your girlfriends and making plans or putting in your favorite movie. Hang a sign on the refrigerator letting your husband know that the coast is clear. They do not always know how to interpret such an event and may think it is their fault. (In some cases it may be their fault so in these situations skip the sign on the refrigerator step. I am joking...sort of. )
With enough practice you will know what the correct formula is to tidy up and get back out there for you. Be efficient about this process. Why prolong it? Life is too much fun. Life cannot, however, be fun all the time. You are going to have some bad days. Some times we just need the release of crying. Crying when you need to can be very healing and will keep the low key blues away. That is when you feel kinda down but you cannot put your finger on why.
If you are on the upswing and are just getting over having a bad day. Here are some cool verses to help you with the process. I hope that you find them as inspirational as I do.
"For with God nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37
"But he said, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." Luke 18:27
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." Ephesians 3:20
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